An Unexpected Girl

chapter forty-three

There was so much going through Iris as she exited Niki's apartment.

Iris had known for a long time that Niki didn't really have feelings for her, as much as she had tried to tell herself otherwise. But hearing Niki saying what she said sent a sickness through Iris.

The panic attack that had been brimming inside of Iris for a while was suddenly let out. Tears spilled down Iris' face as she walked off. Instead of going back to her apartment, she headed in the opposite direction. She wasn't sure where she was going but didn't care right then.

Finding a moderately hidden area, Iris sat down, pulled her knees up to her chest, and cried. She was in so much pain, mourning a relationship that she never had. She was mourning something that never existed.

Despite the fact things were finally over with Niki, Iris still felt confused. She was tremendously hurt and didn't know what to do.

Niki had known that Iris had a crush on her all this time. None of this was fate or things falling into place for Iris, but just Niki using something to her advantage.

The thing that hurt the most was that Iris saw the red flags. She saw them right from the start, but she still stayed. She chose to ignore them because she desperately wanted something to happen.

After all, Niki had called her 'bro' the morning after the very first time they had sex. That should have been enough for Iris to leave and never come back.

Iris wasn't sure how long she stayed seated in that position, but the sky had darkened significantly and her ass was numb from the frozen ground.

When Iris finally stood up, she immediately threw up in the spot she had been sitting in a few seconds ago. Iris wiped her mouth on her sleeve before walking back towards her apartment.

Iris was numb. She couldn't tell if it was from the cold, or just feeling so overwhelmed, but she was no longer crying. The strong aching pain in her chest wasn't as loud anymore.

Iris was thankful Korra had already gone to bed by the time she made it back to their apartment. The last thing she wanted to do was explain why she smelled like vomit and why her eyes were puffy.

After cleaning up herself as best as she could, Iris got into bed. It wasn't long before sleep came. She was exhausted and her body was begging for the release from reality, to drift into unconsciousness for a few hours before having to face life again.

The week went by quickly. Everyone was getting ready for finals and there was that somber mood in the air that often came around during final exam season.

Iris was feeling this mood heightened, but for a different reason. As final exams approached, her anxiety only skyrocketed as after finals was winter break. She didn't know what she was going to do during that time and the anxiety of it all was eating at her.

It felt like Iris was moving on autopilot the entire week. She was numb to everything and everyone, and it felt like she was observing everything happening around her but not really experiencing any of it.

The weekend came by soon enough, along with the explosion of parties all around. This weekend was different as students were trying to throw their last rave before everyone officially got into finals mood.

Iris had planned to say in her room all weekend, but she couldn't stand to be alone with her thoughts any longer.

Hence, on Friday night and Iris found herself walking to some random party she had seen posted on social media. She was going alone, and she most definitely should have Ubered, but Iris didn't care. These things felt secondary to her right then.