The Autobiography Of An Alien

Chapter 32 - Without Forgiving Yourself

Draft #217 - Forgiveness

I forgive easily, perhaps a little too easily if my sister had any thoughts about it, but there is only one thing that I cannot forgive. Betrayal. 

And I... I am the worst kind of betrayer. 

***

Kohgrash quickly joined him out in the hallway, and Rulshkka was dismayed to see the rest of their fanclub quickly following. Mercifully, Shul directed the rest of the guards to remain back and nearly out of sight as Rulshkka stormed down the hallway, so there was that little mercy. 

Kohgrash's hand found his easily, and he had to slow his enraged pace down to something that the human could keep up with. "I am sorry that you weren't able to spend time with Avo." 

Kohgrash shrugged, "There'll be more time for that later. Preferably after all this is over." 

Rulshkka's jaw clenched. His teeth were going to crack. "What do you want to do with all this free time?" he asked to change the subject. His wish was granted, and something loosened in his chest as he saw Kohgrash's easy smile. 

"I wanna get something for you! I had an idea earlier and I think it'd be prettyyy cooool," he singsonged, trying to urge Rulshkka into guessing what his gift was. 

"You don't need to get me anything," he huffed, sounding like Kohgrash and Thruul whenever he spoiled them with gifts. Kohgrash just rolled his eyes. 

"Stop complaining. Can we go find Heth and Torra'ta?" he asked hopefully, eyes pleading. Rulshkka stopped in his tracks. Kohgrash shuffled to the side of the hallway, tucking himself into a little private crevice. Rulshkka followed. 

"Why do you want to go find them?" he asked grumpily, crossing his arms and staring down at the human. "Haven't they caused enough trouble?" 

The other sighed, "I know. I'm not too happy with them about the whole... mess, either. How come they get to decide who joins?" 

Rulshkka uncrossed his arms to pick up Kohgrash, feeling a bit unsteady with the topic of the Outkasts once again in the air. His arms wrapped around his neck securely, and he could probably tell how fast his heartbeat was going just by the pulse in his neck. "Any species is free to join the Alliance, except for those that continuously cause undue harm to other species - along with a multitude of other criteria, but if the Founders are correct in the Outkasts' willingness to... reform, then there is no reason to deny them entrance to the Alliance." The words felt like acid on his tongue. 

He heard Kohgrash groan in frustration as his fingers dug little indents into his shoulder. "What about reparations? I dunno about you, but my need for revenge has not been sated. No matter what we blew up." 

Rulshkka, who had been so grief-stricken and relieved at the same time during their rescue, had barely even registered the Buffet blowing up, and so couldn't really feel like his need for revenge has been sated, either. "That's something for the Outkasts to work out with the affected species. Like our treaty." 

Kohgrash, who had probably been about to ridicule the entire argument and demand justice now, clicked his mouth shut with a snap and rested his head on Rulshkka's shoulder. "I feel sick," he admitted, all the fire gone from him. Rulshkka rubbed his back like he would for Vi'mrakka. Or maybe he rubbed Vi'mrakka's back like he did Kohgrash's. It didn't matter much. 

"I do as well," Rulshkka confided. The nasty feeling in his gut hadn't ceased since the Outkasts were revealed to annex. "I..." he trailed off, unwilling to speak his thoughts so openly. But he remembered the earnest, pleading gaze of Kohgrash asking him to let him in and decided he needed to speak his mind. Or it would gobble him up.