Always. //hunter x reader//

Keeping up A fear-ances

Let the fear you have fall away,

I've got my mind on you.

✰✰✰

I wake up and feel absolutely disgusting. My hair is spattered across my face in a greasy mess, snot is trickled down my chin and dried up tears decorate my sticky and dry face.  I yawn loudly and with an impeccable amount of effort I roll over from one side to the other. I brush my hand through my face trying to get it out of my face, and when my eyes flutter open I see a pair of motionless eyes staring back at me with a mixture of anger and confusion. 

"Eda?" I say with a soft twinge in my voice the sort of difference you get in your voice when you're sick. 

She nods at me then crosses her arms. "What happend?" She asks attempting to make her voice kind.

I roll over onto my back and stare at the ceiling not being able to bear the disappointment on her face, or maybe it's not the disappointment it's the recollection on her face that tells me she really was expecting this to happend again. 

"I was out with Emira and Edrick, and we were doing the usual stuff. Y'know illegal stuff, and we were caught by some emperors coven guards.  And they tried to take us, but we ran away and they attacked us and I got beat up a little."  

I look over at Eda and she wears a sort of pitiful look that I can't exactly read, she get's up and tells me go get some rest as she turns of the light and closes the door.

...Three days later...

My therapist at school once told me I was a dandelion, resilient. She said that dandelions grow under rough circumstances yet still thrive and that I was the same. She told me there were children like that, ones that grew up in rough circumstances but still managed to thrive. I didn't need anyone to water me and trim my edge's because I had myself. 

I've come to know that she was wrong, I've never been resilient. My heart is made of glass and everyone who's ever held it has dropped it. I grew up in hell and emerged from it a mess. I'm not thriving that's just bullshit.

And either way it didn't really help my mental health that she called me a weed, I was already doing it. 

Weed or not I'm feeling a lot better now.  Yesterday I was pretty much fine, but I still kept myself glued to my bed to make sure I got it all out of me. I'm still both black and blue, but It doesn't hurt anymore. 

I was supposed to be on batsitting duty all week, but Eda told B.Q  I wouldn't be up for it so I'm now available.  Available as in sitting on the couch all day.  A breakfast of eggs on toast , a smoothie made from screaming fruit, a long shower and a fresh change of clothes and the day is still fleeting at an alarmingly slow pace. I'm now seated comfortably reading a book 'From bones to earth, a study of wild magic' it feels a little bittersweet reading it now that I truly don't really need the information inside it, I don't need to work hard anymore since I've already cheated my way to magic. 

I put it down, and Lilith asks to borrow it so I hand it over to her. Luz went to the library with Amity earlier, and told me she didn't want me to come so that's a no go zone for now.  But maybe I'll go to bones borough either way, I'm always in the mood for shopping and it would be nice to get some fresh air. And so I get up and get out from the enclosed walls of the owl house who I normally love and adore but now they feel almost suffocating and I can't put my finger on why. I just know that I need a little break.