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Two Weeks Later

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It's funny how you can have all the medical training in the world, yet when the brain doesn't want you to acknowledge something, it'll trick you, hard. When I graduated a few months ago as a nurse, I came out with a first-class degree; I aced all my science exams... some of the professors told me that I'd wasting my potential and should go into medicine to be a doctor.

As soon as I started working in the emergency department, the doctors quickly started telling me the same, but there is a big difference between nursing someone and medicating someone.

I've been in denial the past two days I've been off sick, and now I'm finally facing the fear. The weird thing about nursing is you help the sick, but when you're sick, you're on your own. Now I'm on my second day, I know I need to get this over with. My brain's been telling me I'm stupid, but deep down I know I've now missed my period, and in fact, after a... stupid, unprotected one-night stand, I could be pregnant.

As the timer on the digital test goes round and round, I stare at my calendar. I'm barely ever late, but equally, I did a week of night shifts, plus I've been stressing about money recently... it could be my body going out of sorts. With the knowledge that I could be, it could also be psychological. I'm currently three days late.

My phone buzzes in my hand. 'Hey Mila, my girl, you still sick? Do you wanna go out tomorrow if not? If you are, how does a pizza and night in sound?' Gemma's message makes me smile and I quickly message her back saying a night in sounds epic. She was my best friend during university, and luckily, we work in the emergency department together through pure luck and determination – though luck probably had more to do with it than anything.

I don't understand why I, as a nurse, could've been so damn stupid as to sleep with someone without using protection, but there we go. I did it. The guy – Lucas – took me under his spell like a fairy-tale prince – or wizard, maybe? Prince-Wizard, I'll go for that – and cast his spell on me. I literally fell into bed and did the deed, and here we are.

I know full well what that stick will tell me – I'm not naïve. The tell-tale signs have been there – nausea, vomiting, headaches, dull aches, dizziness – I know, but like a fool, I've been burying my head.

I groan and put my phone on lock before daring to stare at the stick.

Pregnant.

Oh, fuck.

My eyes close. I inhale.

Hold...two...three...four.

Just like my mum taught me. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, Mila, just hold your breath for four seconds. When you let the breath go, all the troubles go with it like ice.

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