I was a hidden secret and a lab rat because of something called agent Orange.
First born, I guess. They told my mom I wouldn't make it to my teenage years. But look at me now.
I proved them wrong. I always knew this. Expect being taken away and mild autism.
Imagine having to hide this secret from everybody and you can hear more things than other people all your life and do things other people couldn't since you could walk and crawl.
How on earth do you tell people that? Answer me that question.
Then you're bully because you don't talk to no one and your different from everyone else.
So you keep to yourself right? Wrong! Not in my days growing up it only made it 10 times worse because you were a easy target.
It was like you had a sign on your back. HIT HERE EASY PICKING!
That was me. Then another horror story showed up in my life.
The ex husband. Abuse he drugged you mentally and physically beat you. Raped you and when he did he tore the hell out of you because of how big he was.
Put a gun in your mouth to your head shot at you. Put the fear of death in you that you have nightmares.
He locked me in a basement in the dark full of snakes and even put them in the bed with me when I was sleeping.
That man was a freak of nature. I have PTSD night terrors and flashbacks because of that man.
I can't be grabbed from behind without sending me into a flashback.
My car was tapped in the back and I had to call my husband to calm me down before I could even drive again and that was last month.
That's bad. Sure I have memory loss now but there are things you just can't forget.
I was asked by a case manager well how do we get over a flash back permanently.
I about ripped her a new one. Are you serious. You avoid the triggers you can't get rid of flash backs or pstd. All you can do is treat it and learn how to deal with it not get rid of it like a infection or something.
It's like with suicidal thoughts and actually doing it.
You have both! You can actually do it or not. I have attempted multiple times.
I have not thought of it or attempted it since I stopped taking all that heavy dose medications.
My husband even said he hasn't even caught me even when I was sleeping with pills in my hand any more.
He no longer fears for my life like he used too.
YOU ARE READING
My Journal
General FictionWhat I been through in my live. I will also Tell you what is wrong with me top and bottom. I will try my best to remember stuff to remember from when I was little. To be truthful it happened to me. Now through my stories you can hear my stories .
