My Journal

suicide

If you can listen to the song while you read this. Because this is so hard for me to talk about. Suicide is no joke. If you know someone that shows any sign or it's yourself please seek help immediately.

I tried each time to show but I gave up when all around me no one would listen to what I had to say.
I had to hide things from everyone.

I was bullied from 6 years old on. One day they we're playing kicked the can. Then some got they're sliced her throat.

I ran over to her. I didn't know what good I would do. But I felt like I had to do something.

So I tried just tried to talk to her. Keep her awake until help came.

Once they left, I heard someone call my name I turned and a can hit hard in my nose.

Blood went all over. We we're at the bus stop. We made it to school. I went to my kindergarten class.

They made me lay down until they called my mom to come get me.

After that things got worse for me. I actually could tell my bruises are me being clumsy. I was good it.

That's when I first started going like in a corner inside my head.

five year on up shouldn't be bottling this much scary stuff.

First: I was 3 years old. Maybe younger to, but I remembered when I remembered that night like it was yesterday.

My dad, mom and a few friends over for a fire. Pat put his hand down the back of my pants.

I no one was there. So pat thought he moved to my front, until I jump up which Pat fell over.

I ran ass fast as I got in the hospital and went and hid in there walk in closet.

That's when things started with something different at the bus stop and school.

I loved going over to my uncle house so I could hang out with Chris and little Larry.

(Chris is my child hood sweet heart. We we're boyfriend and girlfriend too.

Then my family and I moved up across the Mackinac bridge to go move to brevort.

I thought it was going to be different but it wasn't and it was going to get very worse.

At the age of 17 I already told you I was rape. The cop said he did not believe. That was hard to swallow.

So now I put that behind in the locker door in my head. But no one knew I was cutting myself.

Just cutting enough to look like a scratch. Then it board me and I quit doing that.

Then I met Leon. (If I know now what I knew then I probably took my kids an run. But it never happened that way at all.

I was beat and raped by Leon every chance he got. I actually caught him cheating on me. I knew I didn't love him.

One night I was standing by a truck talking to a friend of our and next I knew I seen a small flash a light and a bang at the same time.
Then it happened again.

Leon grab my arm and took me in the and threw me to the Couch. Then he grabs my face and puts the barrel in my mouth.

"If I can't have you no one can." Then the cops came and arrested him.

Thats when I started to take a knife and cut my wrist.
Then I took half a bottle of aspirin.
.
I wanted to die. I had also sliced my wrist open. Of course my room mate discovered me and call 911.

I left no letters. I didn't no phone calls to tell my family I loved.

I couldn't handle no more I had enough. From being little until I left Leon for good and divorced his ass.

I'm telling you the truth. With me people said they didn't see no sign and she never left any note.

That's right I didn't. Because I didn't want no one to stop me.

But today I'm am so glad to be alive. There is help out there. There is hope and Faith to. You have to take the first step to say "I need help please!" It takes 4 small words.

Here's What Happens When You Call Into A Suicide Prevention Hotline

Suicide hotlines can provide free and confidential support 24/7. Here's what to expect when you make the call.

Suicide is complicated and sometimes hard to predict, but health experts say it can be preventable. That's why there are services like the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, and the hope is that people will use them if they, or someone they know, are having a crisis.

But for many people, there is still some mystery about what actually happens during these calls, and some misconceptions can keep people from picking up the phone. So we put together a step-by-step guide about what to expect when you call a suicide hotline.

Keep in mind, however, that everyone who calls into a suicide hotline may have a slightly different conversation and experience. And there are also hundreds of different suicide and crisis-prevention hotlines and chat services. For the purposes of this post, we will focus on the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-888-273-TALK
8255

All I ask from you if you are thinking to harm yourself or others. Please Pick up that phone and call please.