Borderline Awakening 2024

Thank You for the Lesson

I got sick and had no choice but to slow down. I got tired of hanging on and decided to let my ex go for real. He was an experience. Moving forward its hazy. You think you have it figured out then the haze appears and snatches any sense of hope.

Being single would be my power. It is a journey I keep avoiding. I need to be alone. Its where all my growth and expansion internally happen. Away from ideas and the opinions of others and looking inward to find the direction I need. 

Writing feels like the hope I have. Expression seems to be a very valuable trait. Seeing this world without judgement is a choice every day. It's all happened for a reason. Without my ex I would not have realized to the extent of what love can feel like. Without him I wouldn't have learned so much about human connection, relation to others, attachment styles, my bpd and how majorly it affects my perception of others. I can't seem to be angry at the right times I should. 

The moment he started pulling away, a woman with self-respect would have taken that step back. I could not do that for him. I could not wait until he understood his feelings. 

I feel all this and yet that love I received from the divine through him would always be a beautiful experience that I cherish forever. 

People come and they go. Accepting that is a lesson I am learning. Learning to self soothe and validate my experience with compassion. learning what it means to be compassionate to one's own emotional state and to hold space for themselves. 

This numb, sick and hazy place I am in still brings me clarity. Holding on to every positive thought that brings to me an easier place of being. Slowly changing my stories and narrative I have attached to my identity.

Oh, when this phoenix shall rise, she shall rise with a boom! 

I am grateful for the life source that flows within my veins. I am grateful for heartbreak and its lessons and expansion. I am grateful for my ex and the love and care he gave to me. I am grateful for realizing my worth and walking away from a toxic situation. I am grateful for a space to express my inner feelings and thoughts and the courage to do so. Thank You and I love You.