Borderline Awakening 2024

In Love with Love Itself

Perspectives Changing every day. Mountains being moved and dreams coming through. What happened? Acceptance happened. I accepted my state and stopped asking so much of myself. I know now how things take time; I am training my brain to believe that.

I met someone. I met someone who I feel happy to be around. Someone who makes me laugh and smile so easily that I just am shocked. Being caught off guard after my heart was broken into so many tiny pieces was really something I was not expecting. 

I know what I want, and I have been being that to myself for the past month. My evolution is not going in a straight line, and I know that some parts of me are still unhealed and in pain. This to me is a beautiful thing. We all heal in different ways and mine seem to be accepting and moving on.

I think after I tried all I can and was all I could be, that there is just one thing that remained. This was for me to up my game in acceptance and letting go. 

I realized so very much after for the first time talking to someone who actually likes me. Who sees me for me and annoys me for fun. This is also who I am. I love to be sarcastic and rude to the people I love, and I like them when they understand me and appreciate my way of existence.

My heart is cloaked with a layer of logic, and I hope it is enough to keep me from totally going bezerk on this new person. 

What I also realized is that the personality of the person you are with will determine the way you show up. It works on both sides. Communication is so important.

I; being the anxious fuck that I am, needed an anxious person like me to remind me they are always there for me. 

This will breathe a love within me that is glorious. This glorious love had been suffocated in the situationship I was obsessed over. I learned a lot about attachment theory, men and also the male psychology. The guy I was seeing a month ago was really emotionally immature and it dragged me down to really dark places.

My fulfillment matters the most to me now. I care so much so I am selective with the people who feel my care and love. 

Aint nobody getting me to pull the relationship on my own. The moment I find myself over giving I just remember the kind of people that take and leave. 

I give to those who give to themselves. I can tell when someone has self-compassion. Listen to the way they talk about others when they are in a bind or a sticky situation socially. 

Sure, I may be the villain in many people's story. Sure, I am a bitch. Sure, I am annoying. However, the problem is that you think that that makes me feel bad. 

It does not. This acceptance of the shadow is very powerful. The choices you make are now made from a place of balance. 

I am okay with my flaws, and I love who I am becoming. 

My trick now is becoming in love with love itself. Love everything you do. The good and the annoying and the disturbing. This is all life.

Fuck shame and guilt. I don't have time to waste my focus. I am 24 and I intend to have a very emotionally fulfilling life.

I am proud of myself for finally letting go of my sticky past. I am grateful for this new person in my life who is just nothing but kind. 

I am grateful for my best friend who is my rock and my heartbeat. Gosh Alyssa thank you bro. Your love and empathy really have been such a blessing in my life.

The fullness in my heart is at a lovely place. I feel contented and at peace. 

What is there going to be next? How excited I am for this new chapter in my life. How excited Iam to be in this new shift of realities. 

I am happy to be occupying this body and to be experiencing this lifetime. It is such a great and beautiful life. The pain and the suffering. The bliss and the joys. It is all good.

Become in love with love itself. Do you know you could conjure up love just so and feel it? The thoughts can bring you joy if you switch the channels. You got the remote. Frickin use it already. Change your thoughts and change your life. It's really that simple. Your beliefs make you who you are. They form your personal reality. 

To switch realities, you must first change your thoughts. The ones that you constantly think will create your life.

What if you choose to think of only the side of the things that happen, Taking away lessons instead of regrets. Forgiving and releasing all the people in your life that made you feel less of who you are. 

Accepting yourself for all that you are in any moment. Loving all the parts of life. Good and bad and the meh. Just enjoy your damn experience and stop fucking complaining that you have the breath of magical life. Bleh.