UNLIKELY MATCH | HEESEUNG

36 - Beyond Hurt

SENA'S POV

The world is a little less harsh when Heeseung wraps his arms around me and lets me rest my head against his chest. The sound of his heart beating makes me feel safe and I'd like to believe that maybe I can find peace in his love. 

When I open my eyes and find myself alone in his bed, though, I feel some sort of emptiness in the depths of my chest. The fact that he's not here, that his arms aren't wrapped around me, makes me sit up in bed, glancing around the room, searching for any sign of him. The sheets are still warm where he lay, but as I reach out for him, my fingers grasping at the empty space beside me, I realize that he's not here.

I quickly push aside the covers and rise from the bed, my bare feet sinking into the soft carpet as I make my way out of his room. Raven rushes to me and I crouch down to carry her in my arms, letting her soft black fur and her gentle warmth provide some comfort in the absence of Heeseung's embrace. "Are you hungry?" I whisper to her, walking to the kitchen to fill her bowl with food and water. And then, before I know it, I spot it—a piece of paper lying on the kitchen counter. With hesitant hands, I reach for it, unfolding it to reveal Heeseung's familiar handwriting. I'll be right back. Wait for me. 

Folding the note carefully, I tuck it into the pocket of my pants and watch Raven nibble on her food. It's three in the morning and I don't know if I want to go back to sleep or start my day as if nothing's happened. But the thought of staying in bed, alone with my restless thoughts, is unbearable. I need to move, to distract myself from the nagging worry that gnaws at the edges of my mind.

So, I start cleaning the place. I clean the living room and Heeseung's room, trying to keep myself busy and focused. I open his drawer to put his clothes in order, and a glint of something catches my eye. Buried beneath his neatly folded shirts, there's a small, velvet box. My heart skips a beat as I reach for it, my fingers trembling slightly as I lift the lid. Inside, nestled on a bed of soft fabric, lies a ring and my breath catches in my throat. I look at the ring on my finger and back at the one inside the box and I can't help but wonder if it's what I think it is.

There's one explanation for this—Heeseung is planning on proposing to me for real. No more fake marriages and arrangements, this time, he wants me for real. 

I put the box back inside the drawer, feeling overwhelmed with so many beautiful feelings in the middle of my misery. I try not to think of the fact that I'm not my mother's daughter, that my real mother left me in a basket in front of my father's house. I try not to think of the fact that I'm nothing but a burden and a mistake because, if Heeseung wants to marry me, then maybe I'm not as unworthy as I've been made to feel.

I'm heading back to the living room when the sound of the door opening makes me pause. I turn to look at the entrance, my heart skipping a beat as Heeseung walks in, his presence filling the room with warmth and reassurance. His eyes meet mine, and for a moment, everything else fades away—the doubts, the insecurities, the painful memories of my past. "Heeseung," I breathe out his name. "You're back." 

Without a word, he walks to me and pulls me into his arms, holding me close as if he never wants to let me go. "Sena," He whispers against my hair and kisses my shoulder as I melt into his embrace, feeling safe and loved in his arms. "How do you feel, love?" I close my eyes and just nod, not trusting myself to say anything about how I feel. I don't want to worry him. I don't want him to see just how broken I am, so I tell him I'm fine. I lie to him and to myself, pretending that everything is okay when deep down, I'm still struggling to come to terms with what I was told. With the past that's holding me by the throat like a vise. 

"You don't have to lie to me, you know?" He whispers and it's enough to make me pull away and look into his eyes, trying to find the strength to meet his gaze, to let him know about the horrible past that haunts me. 

"My mother-" I gulp, holding onto his shirt while his hands rest against my waist, my fingers tracing the fabric as if seeking comfort in the familiar touch. "She's not my real mother," I finally manage to say, my voice barely above a whisper, and the way his eyes soften tells me he understands the pain my words carry. "My real mother abandoned me. She left me in a basket in on my father's doorstep and the woman who's been pretending she's my real mother pushed me into a lake and tried to kill me because, I know, who would want to raise someone else's child? Her husband cheated on her with another woman and had a daughter that he hated more than anyone could imagine. And I'm that daughter."

I'm smiling bitterly but Heeseung only looks into my eyes and wraps me in a tighter embrace. "I'm sorry, love. I'm so sorry." I bury my face against his chest and wonder if my father could apologize for all the pain he's caused me. If he could see me now, broken and scarred, would he feel any remorse? Would he regret his actions, or would he accuse me of being to blame for everything that's happened? "I went to your father's house earlier not knowing the extent of your pain, Sena. If I knew they did all of this to you, I would have never hesitated to report him-"

"You met him?" His words make me pull away and stare at him with wide eyes. "Heeseung, you could get yourself in trouble. He could stop your sponsorship and the Grand Prix had already started. You can't jeopardize your career for me. Isn't racing everything you ever worked for?"

Heeseung gently cups my face in his hands and the look on his face tells me he's not the least bit concerned about his racing career right now. "Aren't you everything to me?" He replies softly, his thumb tracing circles on my cheek. "My career means nothing if I can't protect the people I love. And I love you, Sena, more than you could ever imagine. I want you and nothing else matters if I can't see the smile on your face." He leans in, pressing his forehead against mine, and we stay like that for a moment, my heart's shattered pieces slowly mending in the warmth of his embrace.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you," I whisper and he chuckles a little, brushing his lips against mine in a gentle kiss. I want him. I want him so much I'm starting to forget the pain, the doubts, the fears. I want him so much that it feels like my heart might burst. 

"You're my wife," He says and my heart does the most beautiful flip in my chest. "You deserve all the love and I'm going to give it all to you. I'm going to spend every moment making sure you know you're the woman I want and nothing else will ever change that." I can feel the love pouring out of him and I'm nothing but a pool of emotions, overwhelmed by the depth of his feelings for me. The way worry and concern creep into his eyes, the way he lets out a sigh as if the whole world is on his shoulders, sends a shiver down my spine. I know that look and I know something is wrong. "Is everything okay?" I ask softly, reaching out to gently squeeze his hand.

"My friend got diagnosed with leukemia," He breathes, the words making my heart sink to the lowest pit of my stomach. I don't say anything, I can't say anything, and Heeseung just leans closer and rests his forehead against my shoulder while I wrap my arms around him and hope the world is not as cruel and unfair to him as it is to me.