UNLIKELY MATCH | HEESEUNG

38 - Choosing Her

HEESEUNG'S POV

A week is left until the next F1 GP and I sit in my room, staring at the ceiling, wondering if I can get back on track let alone win. My wound is still not fully healed and right now, I'm supposed to be working out, practicing and pushing myself to my limit. But what I'm feeling right now is far from motivated. My mind keeps wandering back to Haruka, to her words that echo through my mind. 

She was right. I left her because I thought it was the noble thing to do, but deep down, I knew I was running away from my own insecurities and fears. I couldn't handle the pressure of being in a committed relationship, not when my career demanded my full attention. But then Sena came into my life and the love I feel for her makes me want to throw everything I ever worked for if it meant I could just hold her in my arms and never let go. And sometimes, I wonder if what I felt for Haruka was love at all. 

I find myself reaching for my drawer to pull out the velvet box that once held all my happiness and joy. And inside, there sits the ring that could have ended up on Haruka's finger. I don't even know why I'm still keeping it, let alone why it makes me feel guilty every time I look at it.

The door creaks open, pulling me out of my thoughts as I quickly put the box back in the drawer and close it before Sena walks in. She's standing there at the door, her eyes the most beautiful shade of brown, filled with concern and love. I can tell that our meeting with Haruka made her worry about me and I feel guiltier whenever I'm reminded of the fact that I'm lying to her. Haruka isn't just a friend. She's a whole chapter of my past and though I'm not planning to reopen that chapter, there are still loose ends I need to tie up.

"Hey," She says softly, stepping into the room with Raven walking next to her, her tail wagging eagerly. My two ladies are here, filling the room with their presence and pulling me back from the edge of my thoughts. I wish I could just tell Sena everything, but the fear of hurting her holds me back. I don't want to cause her any pain, especially when she's already dealing with so much. So instead, I plaster on a smile and try to pretend nothing is wrong. "Are you okay?"

I force a smile, though I know Sena can see through it. "Yeah, just thinking about the race." Sighing, I grab her hand and pull her next to me, letting her head rest against my chest. The sun is starting to rise outside and the dimly lit room starts turning cold as the light seeps in through the curtains. "With my wound and my lack of training, I'm worried I won't be able to perform at my best."

"Heeseung, I know racing doesn't stress you this much. You're pretty confident about it even if you think you can't perform at your best so... it must be something else bothering you," She tilts her head up to look at me, her brown eyes searching mine for answers, and Gosh, she looks like a dream, like everything I've ever wanted, and yet, I can't help but feel like I'm keeping secrets from her, like I'm betraying her trust when I promised I'd be the last person to hurt her.

"Yeah, it's Haruka. And you. And everything." I admit, and my words sound like the truth on my tongue but I know how much they're laced with lies. "To think she might just... be gone. To think that a friend of mine might be facing such a difficult battle alone... it's weighing heavily on me. And then there's the fact that I'll have to leave for Japan for the next race soon, and I don't want to leave you here, especially with everything that's going on with your family. I want you to come along with me but I know you have your own schedule and I'm in no place to ask you to ditch everything for me."

When she pulls away and sits up, her eyebrows furrowing as she stares at me, I know her heart just did a somersault. Or worse, maybe a part of it shattered. "You're leaving?" Her voice is barely a whisper, filled with both hurt and disbelief. The vulnerability in her eyes pierces through me like a knife, and I curse myself for causing her pain. 

"I have to. It's part of my job, Sena," I sigh. "I'll be traveling around the world for the rest of the year and I won't be able to stay by your side as much as I want to."

"I know," She nods, fidgeting with her fingers on her lap. "I know that, I just... it will be hard. I mean, I'm so used to you being around and you're the only constant in my life right now. With everything happening with my family, and now knowing that you'll be away..." Her voice trails off, and I can see the pain etched into every line of her face. "What about us?" 

"Sena," When I cup her cheeks and make her look at me, her eyes are glistening and I'm so damn sorry for having to leave. "Just because I have to leave doesn't mean I'm leaving you behind. I want you to come with me but I also respect your independence and your commitments here." My heart aches at the thought of being apart from her, but I know I can't ask her to give up everything for me. "We'll make it work-"

"I want to go with you." I watch as she takes a deep breath, her fingers intertwining with mine. "I want to be with you, Heeseung. Screw my plans and my schedule, I can just plan another one and make a new, different content about traveling or about... life with you. We can make it work." Hope is blossoming through my chest and my arms wrap around her before I even realize it, pulling her into a tight embrace. I was anxious about the decision she was about to make, and even though I would have respected her choice either way, knowing that she would also give up her plans to be with me makes me realize that this woman is not only the woman I love, but she's also the one who understands me the most, the one who's willing to go the extra mile just to be by my side.

"Sena," I breathe against her hair, holding her close as if I never want to let her go. "Are you sure? This is a big decision and as much as I'm happy to hear it, I don't want you to feel like you're giving up everything for me."

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life, Heeseung." Her body against mine, her heartbeat syncing with mine, reassures me in ways I can't articulate. I'm nothing but a man who loves her with every fiber of his being and if she chooses to be by my side through it all, I'll cherish her with every breath I take. "Being with you is what I want, regardless of where that takes us or what sacrifices we have to make. I'm not giving up anything—I'm choosing us."

My hands sneak under her shirt and I pull her closer, my lips colliding with hers as she sits on top of me. Her hair tumbles around us like a soft, dark halo, and her kiss tastes like promises of forever. This intimacy, this feeling of having her completely intertwined with me, makes me feel complete. I deepen the kiss, losing myself in the taste of her lips, the warmth of her touch as she cups my face and gently pulls me closer. Ou clothes are discarded before we realize it and love is what consumes us entirely, erasing any doubts or worries, leaving only the raw desire and longing. 

Sena is choosing us and I'm choosing her, over and over again, with every beat of my heart.