Minefield of Mirrors

-12-

The lady's room felt empty and quiet once the lady had left the space and Iris was all alone, trying with every fibre inside of her to ignore the big elephant in the room; the mirror. Although she wished with all her heart that her willpower was strong enough to ignore the little voice inside her head which was saying to turn her head and face her own appearance, her willpower was no match for the annoying voice. It was like there was a battle going on inside her head with a side that was trying to protect her from herself, and a side that was trying to make her believe that she would never be good enough.

Just look at you, all weak and alone. Just like you'll be for the rest of your life.

'No, no, no.' She whispered to herself while clinging her hands around her head to stop herself from turning around.

Her sight was already getting blurry from the tears that were gathering behind her eyes, and she squeezed her eyelids down to get the water out of her eyes and to make her vision clear again. Iris' breathing got faster and she knew this was going the wrong way. Breathing in, breathing out. The process already happened way too fast. If only one person would walk into the lady's room right now, they would call in assistance to get help to calm Iris down.

Pathetic you. You can't even get your appearance together, let alone hold on to your willpower. It shows again how weak you have become over the years.

The next inhale, something snapped within Iris and she lost once again from the stupid voice. Slowly and shakily, she turned her whole body ninety degrees and lifted her head towards the mirror. And there she was. Seeing herself from top to toe in the mirror reflection.

Tall, ugly and curves at all the wrong sides of your body. Well, curves? Fat is the right word.

Obeying the words that would follow from the voice, Iris turned around and looked at her side profile.

Exactly. Look at that disgusting piece of flesh that is attached to your belly. How could someone ever like that? No wonder you're still alone

And for a second, Iris flew back in time, back to when she was fourteen, noticing all the differences between her and her classmates. She was tall, her classmates petite. Iris was curvy, they were slim. All the boys loved her classmates, not her. No, she was always the one whom people turned to for advice. There had only been one person in her life who took a shot at her, which also happened to be one shot too much. He caused her very first heartbreak.

Because you didn't look like your classmates, you stupid girl. Of course, he would run from you. What did you think? That he would be the knight to rescue you? You naïve person. It was only a matter of time before he would turn around and run as fast as he could.

Completely in a trance, Iris' legs brought her forward, even closer towards the mirror as tear drops left the corners of her eyes. She turned around and around, looking at her body from every single angle, allowing the voice in her head to criticize even more until she really couldn't take it anymore and tears trickled down her cheeks. Two big black strips became well visible from the mascara that she had put on before she left her hotel room to get to the drinks with Mick.

Another guy who's way out of your league. Who would ever love a stupid girl like you? A weak, pathetic human being that looks anything but attractive to anyone.

Iris closed her eyes and started crying loudly as she buried her head into her hands. It caused her shoulders to shake and her breathing was getting even more out of control. Inside her mind, she returned to her childhood room at her parents' house, where she had cried so many times because of the way she looked. Many times she tried to tell her best friend about the way she was struggling with herself, but as soon as she was about to open her mouth to spill the thoughts that were running inside her head all the time, her best friend started a story of what she had gone through during the day. And time after time, Iris put her best friend's needs before her own. She would just sit there, fake smiling and nodding to the stupid stories that were being told to her. Up until today, Iris is still convinced no one noticed the way she was and still is, struggling with herself.