Minefield of Mirrors

-39-

Time ticked by slowly as Iris was sitting on her couch, staring outside where the rain was still falling from the grey sky. A cup of tea was standing next to her on the little side table, next to the contract Christian had given to her. Since Max had been standing in front of her door last week, she knew she had to cut the tie. She had to decide whether she wanted to take the step to Red Bull or not.

During the week, she made a couple of lists to point out why she did want to leave the company of Mister Poken and why not. The most common advantages compared to the disadvantages. The number of advantages of leaving the company was so much higher than the disadvantages, which should've been surprising. But as Iris sat there on the couch, she knew it wasn't.

Although Iris had made some tremendous progress once she started at the company of Mister Poken, the words of Christian kept sticking inside her mind. In all this time, what had the company done for her? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The employees hadn't even received a little Christmas present. The only thing mister Poken had done for her, was let her work more over-hours than usual and give her a gigantic amount of stress because of it. Her body had been drained. This job offer from Red Bull made her reconsider all her previous choices.

Was she really ready to jump off this particular cliff into the black hole, not knowing what would happen next? She loved the diversity of her current job where she had to get to know different companies to create a new set-up in order to improve the way of working. If she decided to take this job, it would mean that she had to leave that part behind.

On the other hand, she would get such nice things back. A team that really felt like a little family to her. A lot of new colleagues who were always open for a little chat. Dinners, parties and of course travelling. It would be in another kind of way tiring, but she would get so much energy from having lovely people around. Iris knew that within one week time, she had already created many more friendships than she had over the years at her own company. That should say something, right?

She picked up the paper next to her and stared at the black line on the last page. Christian had already put his signature down as a sign that he was sure of his choice. It was completely up to her. Her hand reached for the pen that was lying next to her teacup.

Was this going to be it? Was this her leap of faith?

Her heart pounded in her chest as she brought her hand down to the paper and the pen touched the white paper. Within a couple of strokes, her signature was to be seen next to Christian's.

Well, there was no way back right now.

And no Max, you haven't won just yet.

*

Her phone started ringing when Iris took the mug filled with hot chocolate to her little side table. After putting it down, she rushed to the device and answered the call.

'Hi, Jules!'

The voice of her therapist was happy and calming at the same time. 'Hi, Iris! I hope I'm not disturbing you on this Wednesday evening.'

'Oh no, not at all. I was just about to get lost in a book again.' She laughed as she sat down on her couch.

'Is it a good one?'

She glanced at the book that was lying on top of the blanket she had just been lying underneath. 'It's such a nerve-wracking one. Can't wait to finish it tonight.'

His laugh sounded on the other side of the line. 'Well, then I won't hold you up for that long. It has been so great to see you progressing this well the last couple of weeks, Iris.' He started. 'I can really notice how much your confidence has grown and how you started to feel better in your own skin by accepting who you are and not blaming yourself for everything that happened to you.'

The words hit Iris and a bit shyly she began fidgeting with the blanket next to her. 'Oh, wow... Thank you, Jules.'

'It has all been you, Iris. Not me.' He reassured her. 'I just got off the phone with Christian, since Friday is going to be our last session before deciding if you are ready to get back to work again.'

That was true. This was already the last week of her month off. Time had really flown by and she felt so much calmer inside her body. There weren't many emotions mixing up inside of her anymore. And the weirdest part was that so many of her emotions could easily be traced back to her childhood. To the times were she wasn't accepted for who she was back in elementary school. Since she had found that out, she suddenly understood so many more sides of her emotions. After all, it made sense why she was always looking for a safe space or confirmation. She wanted to be accepted. She had become a people pleaser, just because of that.

Jules's voice got her out of her mind again. 'Of course, it is totally your choice and you should choose what you are most comfortable with, but Christian thought it would be nice if the last therapy session took place on the racetrack this weekend. In Italy.'

The words got through Iris's ears and she thought it over. It would mean that she was back with the team and with her friends. And Max...

'Just to see if the environment impacts you and how you feel around there. Of course, you won't get back to work right away.' Jules added. 'You'll join us here just for one night. Or more, if you would like to stay. It's completely up to you.'

A little tension built up inside of Iris and it was a good one. She was actually excited to go back. 'No, I love the idea! It would be great to see everyone again and to see how they are doing.'

'Yes, you can ask how they are doing, but keep in mind what we talked about Iris. Don't only worry about them. Your feelings are just as equal as theirs.'

Iris couldn't help the little smile on her lips. 'I know, and I will definitely keep that in my mind.'

They discussed the last details of the flight and who would pick her up from the airport as the rest of the team was already present in Italy. When Iris put down the phone, she kept on smiling. She was going back and she couldn't feel happier. She felt like a better person. Like a person who knows her values and her ideas. Now it was her time to show the rest of the group how much a couple of weeks off could change a person.

She was going back to the track in two days. Back to the team that was going to be her home for the rest of the year, even when no one knew it yet.