Minefield of Mirrors

-42-

Iris's mood quickly turned around once she sat down with the girls of the team to have a cup of coffee on the rooftop of the Red Bull motorhome. The sun shined high up in the sky, which made Iris regret her clothing choice a bit. How could she have decided to wear black jeans on a sunny day like this? They chitchatted through all the latest gossip within the team and the paddock to make sure Iris was all up to date again.

Emma sat back in her chair after putting her empty cup of coffee on the little side table. 'Okay Iris, tell us honestly. What happened today?'

Iris was a bit confused. 'What do you mean exactly?'

'Oh, I heard you and Max talking inside Jules's office.' Linsey filled in. 'Tell us everything. What is really going on between you two?'

'Can't I ask first what exactly happened to him while I was away?' Iris tried hopefully. After the encounter with Max this afternoon, she wasn't exactly in the mood to walk through all the events.

Linsey shook her head instantly. 'You tell us the details first and then we will fill you in on the rest. And please start from the very start.'

After looking at all three girls, Iris sighed and started to explain the day Max walked in on her when she was at her lowest. Iris thought back about how sweet and careful he was once he figured out she wasn't doing well. The way he took her in his arms and comforted her once she crumbled down in the office. Iris looked down at her hands. He had done some great things too. Then why had she been so harsh to him? Yes, he should try to figure his feelings out, but Iris was actually in the exact same spot...

She told the girls about the beautiful and colourful bouquet of flowers he sent when she was in London. The little detail that Christian had also paid her a visit with a contract, was something she left behind. That was a surprise she would tell them later on.

The moment she stated that Max had even shown up in front of her door, made Emma squeak.

'Shut! Up!' She screamed.

'But that's not even the most confusing part yet.' Iris said as she moved a bit more towards the edge of her chair. 'I just found out from Christian that Max was responsible for my month off. He tipped Christian off.'

Veronica laughed as she rolled her eyes. 'Oh, you two please get into a relationship already. It's so obvious!'

'But then why can't he have an honest conversation with me?' It was something that was gnawing at Iris. He had done some great things for her, but whenever it came down to a conversation, he just shut down. Words seemed to mix up in his head and he struggled to put his real feeling out.

'Well... I don't know...' Linsey started next to her. 'At least let me fill you in about what we saw during the last month.'

Iris was sitting at the edge of her chair as Linsey and Veronica told everything they had noticed. Apparently, Max had gone radio silent the first week of her absence, avoiding people at all costs. And if he did have to see people, there were two possible scenarios; he just nodded all the time, or he snapped completely. Just like Linsey had written in her letter to Iris. When the second week came, he started to contact all the girls in the team, asking if they knew how to get in touch with Iris. Max seemed to be desperate to know where she was. It even came down to the point where he came to Linsey's hotel room where the girls were getting ready for a little team dinner.

'But you girls didn't know my address. Then how did he find out where I live?'

Veronica shrugged. 'Or he has tremendous intel, or he went to Thomas.'

A shock wave was sent through Iris. Fuck, she hadn't even thought about that possibility. Max knew about Thomas's existence and it was for sure that Thomas knew her current address through her brother or mom. Great. Max turned to her ex to find a way to find her. Iris clenched her hands into fists in her lap. She didn't know who to be angry at, Max or Thomas.

Emma moved forward and sighed. 'Well, I think we can easily put one and one together. After the visit to London, he went silent for another time. Agreeing to everything, even when it came down to marketing.'

'I'll say it once more, he has feelings for you Iris.' Veronica looked at Iris with a grin on her face after easily putting down the fact that seemed to connect all the stories. 

But was it as easy as that? If it was, it wouldn't be so hard to acknowledge it, right? Iris felt how her organs clenched together by her nerves.

The grin wasn't going to leave Veronica's lips anytime soon. 'Girls, I think our little plan has succeeded! We finally all know what Max is like when he's in love, AND he finally stopped ignoring our existence.'

The three girls cheered a little, except Iris. She put her elbows on her knees as she leaned forward and started to bite her nails. Oh, the plan had succeeded indeed. It has succeeded a bit too well if Iris had to tell it by the way her body ached a little. That stupid driver had found a crack inside her heart and had wiggled his way in there. And now it seemed impossible to get him out of there. The image of how defeated he looked as soon as she stepped away from him and spoke her mind in front of her apartment, was in front of her eyes again. Her words had contained the truth, but what if she had hurt him by the way she had told him? Hadn't she been too hard on him? She couldn't exactly figure out her own feelings either.

Linsey put her hand on Iris's leg and squeezed it to get her attention. 'Where is your mind at?'

Unable to explain it all, Iris just shook her head and faked a smile. 'Nothing.'

'Oh, no no. Tell us. What's going round and round in there?'

'What if...' Iris tried. 'No never mind.' She just couldn't say it out loud, afraid of any kind of judgment that would get unleashed.

Opposite Iris, Emma stood up from her chair and squatted in front of Iris. The marketing member grabbed Iris's hand. 'Hey, it's just us. You can tell us anything. We stick together, right girls?'

The other two agreed instantly and Iris knew that she couldn't hold it in. Three extra pairs of eyes were never wrong. Especially in a situation where mixed signals were the main part of the story.

Iris's voice had an insecure trembling once she said the few words that had been on her mind all the time while she had been in London. 'What if Max isn't the only one who got feelings because of the game...?'

'But I thought you had a good thing going on with Mick?' Emma asked carefully, not wanting to hurt Iris's feelings.

The bracelet of Mick was still wrapped around Iris's wrist and a guilty feeling shot through her again. 'I had. It's just...'

A short silence was next while all the girls were busy in their minds. Passing all the information through their minds, forming their opinions about the situation.

'You know,' Linsey started. 'I've seen Max change since the moment you got into our team. I honestly think he already had a crush on you from the moment you stepped foot into our little van at the airport.'

'And that's a lot, coming from his PR manager who's with him most of the time.' The grin still hadn't left Veronica's face. 'I had seen it coming all along and I damn love it. If you have feelings for him, then why not go for it? I mean, he likes you, you like him. Then what could go wrong?'

Many things could go wrong. She could end up being hurt and that was the whole problem. Iris already felt terrible about going to see Mick today and to tell him that the romantic connection between them had faded away. If Max would turn her down any time soon, she had no clue if she would survive that.

'I'm just back after a month of absence girls. I don't think I'm ready at all to dive into these feelings. You know what? First I want to enjoy the fact that I'm with you all again. This shit can wait.'

Next to her, Emma smiled brightly. 'That's the spirit! And if the feelings are real, they won't disappear any time soon. So why act on them right away, right?'

'Yes. So, with that out of the way, please tell some more about your prince charming Linsey!'

Linsey's cheeks turned red and she chuckled shyly. 'Oh well, where should I begin?'

Eager to forget about her possible feelings for Max, Iris listened to Linsey's story.

But then one thought came up in her head. 

What if she and Max had to unpack their feelings together? At the same spot and time? Was that the only way to get clarity in both of their minds? Would that stop them both from struggling so hard?