Your Choice

11 - Literally Nothing Good Happens

TW: LIGHT SUICIDAL THOUGHTS (no actions.) IF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, SKIP THE BOLDED AREAS THAT SAY "TW START" AND "TW END"!!!

A/N: Your dear author has been inspired by a webcomic named Lucid Memories, and now I would enjoy making a webcomic of this book. How would you guys feel about that? It might not be finished, just a little passion project to work on every once in a while. I'd probably post it as a separate book on Wattpad, as I don't have an account on Webtoon or Tapas. Should I do it?

Your brain was filled with fog, so dense it's like you were staring into a blank grey screen. Everything felt fuzzy. Especially what had happened. You had no sense of gravity, seeming to float about wherever the universe wanted to take you. Anywhere the wind blew. Your head felt vaguely sore, your neck stung slightly, and every memory you may have ever had managed to evade you. And then it all came back. Including the overwhelming pain.

You let out a disgruntled moan of anguish, trying to open your eyes yet immediately closing them again as bright light flooded into your vision. The only thing that hurt worse than the aching of your head and the sharp pain on the side of your neck was the memories. Did you really do anything so bad that Jax would try to murder you? Was he really so narcissistic that he thought that highly of himself: that any person who dared to disrespect him deserved to perish?

You really were wrong about Jax at first glance. At first he seemed like a poor soul who's coping mechanism with this existential mess of a video game was by torturing others. You actually were right about that, but you thought it was light hearted. You had just got here and he already wanted your head on a stick. He was never just a bully, he's a fucking sociopath. 

Even if light couldn't currently enter your eyes, that didn't mean that tears couldn't exit them. There was no point in trying to stop said tears anyways. The temptation to let our your sorrows of near death, of what felt like betrayal, and so much more was overwhelming to say the least. Your throat already hurt from holding them back. You weren't nearly as strong mentally as Jax was physically. 

At first you only felt one roll down your left cheek. And as if it were making sure the coast was clear, countless amounts of others pursued after it. Your cheeks were soaked and you tried your hardest not to make a noise to alert anyone nearby (if anyone even was here.) Your attempts were a failure however, as such thoughts of hiding your pain were immediately interrupted by hyperventilating gasps of air. Not only did you have a headache now, but you were also light headed. What a fun combination. 

TW START

You tried to open your eyes again, wanting to run, wanting to hide, wanting to escape, a small part of you even wanting to pass away. Who was blaming you though, in all actuality you almost did. A near death experience would probably do this to anyone. Again, the light burned your eyes as if there was molten lava being poured onto them. Your only relief was your eyelids, protecting and fighting the battles your eyes couldn't. 

You raised a hand to wipe tears off your cheeks but all your limbs felt too heavy, like you were deep underwater. Even a small movement of your fingers was strenuous. You sighed, no emotion behind it except pure agony. You would chuckle, at how absurd the past days had been, but it just didn't feel right. There was nothing humorous, nothing funny about these thoughts and these emotions that ran rampant throughout you. There was really only one word to best describe it. Despair.

And just like that, your conscious began to crumble yet again as you were met with the cold and uncomfortable release of sleep. Sleep didn't feel right if you knew you would just wake up again. Why was life so cruel like this? Why couldn't Jax have been successful in murdering you?...