The Ramblings of a Confused Fish

Pumpkin Spiced Agony

Of course, Fall. The time when the leaves turn brilliant colors of red, orange, and yellow. The time in which everything is chilly but not frigid, cozy but not stifling, and everyone wears light coats instead of puffer jackets. Amazing right?

I beg to disagree. Fall causes distress. Feel free to argue, but just listen to me first and you will see the pain that the fall has put me and everyone through.

My seasonal allergies flare up as the temperature drops below 70 degrees (21 Celsius). I kick into survival mode. My nose starts running faster than an Olympic-level sprinter. I'm sneezing like a madman. All the plants are dying, performing one last show before their deaths (or hibernations). Don't get me started on pumpkin-spiced EVERYTHING.

For the longest time, I thought that pumpkin-spiced items contained pumpkin. It doesn't. My life was a lie. That has to be breaking some law, right? No way someone can market pumpkin spice without pumpkin. It's incredibly misleading how pumpkins are all over their packaging. Just give it to me straight. Don't fool me into thinking that pumpkins taste like more than nothing. Since finding out, I haven't looked at the Starbucks Pumpkin-Spiced Latte the same way. I'm ashamed and appalled. I have been betrayed by McCormick. Where is the guilt? Where's the public apology? What do I do from here?

Pumpkin spice is supposedly contained in pumpkin pies. I never knew because the only pie I ever make is apple. That means that the taste that you have in your pumpkin pies is mostly the spice masquerading as pumpkin, fooling people into thinking pumpkin tastes good, so they grow it in their gardens (No? Just me? Okay.).

One more thing, everything is pumpkin-spiced. There's pumpkin spice creamer, candles, protein powder, chapstick, and everything you can think of. Despite all of the trickery, most pumpkin-spiced drinks are alright. I don't think they merit the amount of excitement around them

Aside from my problems with pumpkin spice, rain during the fall is nasty.

I'm certain most people will know what I mean. It's all fun and games when the leaves are crunchy and fun to stomp on, but once the rain hits all the fun piles of colorful fallen leaves, we all heave a collective sigh. The once gorgeous and crisp leaves become mush that lies on the streets, a dull reminder of the fun we once had. It's a reminder that even beautiful things fade. Also, they're so squishy once you step on them.

The atmosphere is amazing, I will give it that. In between bouts of sneezing and sniffling, I can appreciate the stunning shades of warm tones that are so prevalent everywhere. Everyone seems to shift from wearing bright yellow tank tops and blue shorts to wearing terracotta coats with black turtlenecks. The color scheme is probably the least offensive part of the fall. My gripe is that it feels like I should only wear those colors during colder months. It feels wrong to wear a beige shirt in the middle of spring. I can't explain it.

Fall is my least favorite season. Look, those with crunchy leaves all of fall, those without allergies, and those without trust issues with random spices cannot relate to me. It's a heavy burden I carry, being so petty. Enjoy your pumpkin-spiced agony!