The Ramblings of a Confused Fish

I'm Only Hard of Hearing On Alternate Tuesdays

I have the most incredibly select hearing. I will never be able to tell what someone is saying when they're a foot away, but once they lower their voice, I activate super hearing.

You know it's interesting when they start whispering.

I hear bits and pieces of gossip, slander, and judgments about a person within the same room. Just the other day, I was going to get a pastry from a local cafe. I walked in and started to browse. As I stared down the cheese danish, two teenagers walked in. They were of no importance to me, as they lacked the characteristics of a freshly made baked good. They bought a muffin of some sort and started to talk.

This alone wasn't enough to pique my interest, so I grabbed a muffin and went to pay. After paying, I noticed the kids had started talking in a low voice. I started to wonder if I had something in my teeth. I strained to listen, in case I was the catalyst for their conversation. This is what I caught in their conversation.

"No way..." The one on the right said.

"I don't think they're related to Jackie. Don't be stupid." The one on the left said (fake name for the sake of privacy).

"They look so similar!"

"No, are we even looking at the same person?"

"I think I would be able to tell who looks like that snake." The one on the right hissed. I felt a shiver down my spine. Was I going to get jumped? "Wait, I have her Instagram, we can check if she has a sibling."

"What?"

"Yeah!"

"I doubt your ex's new girlfriend's sibling is right here. Doesn't she go to like Plainfield? That's a couple towns over." (Fake name for privacy) I was intrigued, why is there so much animosity there?

"I don't know! I can't escape her! She's everywhere!" The right girl was looking more and more paranoid by the second.

"We can just ask, dude." The one on the left said, exasperated. At that, they came up to me and asked me if I knew a Jackie. I said I hadn't (fearing for my life) and they just returned to their spot. They seemed completely unaware that I had been listening to them for the past minute or so. I was relieved that they decided to ask me instead of just jumping to conclusions.

"Ever since she came into my life, she's been trying to take everything from me, and now she's taking my sanity. " Her head was in her hands.

"Don't worry, she's psycho anyway. She'll regret everything soon." The other teen awkwardly patted the other girl's shoulder.

On that lovely note, I walked out, muffin in hand, severely more invested than I should have been.

Another time, during an icebreaker in class years ago, I was asked what job you would like for the summer. I heard "dream job" and answered proudly.

"Engineer!" I said. I got weird looks from everyone. At this point, it's a core memory.

However entertaining or annoying my gift is, I would much rather have normal hearing. To be honest, it's probably not my hearing, it's my attention span.