The Ramblings of a Confused Fish

Noches de Insomnio

For the last two weeks, I've been sleeping horrendously. Dark circles make me look like a raccoon, puffy eyes that don't go away for thirty minutes, and waking up in the dead of the night.

I am the kind of person who can't survive on an hour less of sleep than I usually get. To feasibly go about my day with unholy amounts of sleep, I need to get used to the lack of rest. I've got to suffer days in advance of my intended late-night work session. I was fine with this system until a bit ago.

I've been getting more sleep and welcomed it with open arms. The only problem is that my body doesn't want to get quality rest. I have had disturbing nightmares and wake up, fully rested, at the earliest hours. I've wanted to sleep so badly that I read more now. You know how people say to put away screens and read before sleep? Yeah. I'm trying my best. Reading a good book makes me insert myself in its world. I end up taking forever to fall asleep because I imagine too much. My imagination is overactive. My mind is always racing. I struggle with it often.

I need to be bone-tired to sleep as soon as I hit the bed. I need exhaustion to claim me before I stay up cleaning my entire room and writing a new story (somehow at the same time). Working out is a solution, but that doesn't stop my dreams. It doesn't stop my erratic wake-up times. It's manageable, but I fear I can't keep living like this.

I have friends who get much less sleep than I do and don't deal with any of the same things as I do. They nap when they can with almost no dreams at all.

Dreams have always been touchy for me since I never could remember any of my good dreams. My dreams would disappear after a few minutes of waking up. I'd wake up, think Wow, that was the best dream ever! and forget it on the walk to brush my teeth. People would always bring their dreams up to their friends or family as small talk, but my only response was that I didn't know, or that I had a bad dream.

I also never noticed my dream was a nightmare until I woke up since I think back to it right after waking up and realize how horrific it was.

I want to get better at sleeping, so I might just take a nap right now. Call it practice. Wish me luck!