One Lifetime Is Never Enough

I Will Not Wait

What kind of normal person - in their right mind - would like the notion of death?

It is the end of everything.

I still do not understand why I am here. Why I have Mia Simmons' life memories.

Is she, me? Or am I, her?

None of that matters.

Mia Simmons' life ended with the plane crash. Her death was the end of her life. None of the people, and her past life worth of joy and pain with her loved ones, matters to my life now. I can no longer see them, they can no longer see me.

She has become me - Bai YuLan; but Bai YuLan, is my own person.

My life, carrying a lifetime worth of my past - Mia's - memories, is my own.

When my father - Mia's father - died, I watched my mother crumble. I watched her try to rise. I watched her struggle.

He was her whole existence. When he was gone, her daughters became her sole reason for her existence.

My sister and I carried that burden, because we loved her.

Death is easy.

What about the people left behind?

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The herbalist's nephew and his death.

The grieving pregnant wife with a child that will grow up without ever knowing the father's face.

I could not help but to be angry.

What use is your stupid hero title? What use is your name written on a golden plate on the family altar? You will no longer be there for your wife. You will no longer be there for your child.

All you will become is the wisp of smoke from the incenses they will burn for you, in front of your nameplate. All that is left of you, is dust without bones, inside a cold porcelain urn in front of your memorial plaque.

Did you even think when you embraced her at nights? When you left the seeds of your existence in her belly? Did you even stop to think that this seed will grow up to be another person? Did you think that you are very almighty, that you are an immortal, that you will never face peril?

In all your pride as a soldier? Did you think that you would never leave them behind?

Selfish. If you were very proud about dying for your country, for your leader, for your heroic conduct--- then die.

Don't tie someone else to your existence.

All you have left behind is a home without the pillar.

And a lifetime of grief.

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Ji ChanFang.

For everything that is holy, old man; if this is still the twenty-first century, I would have punched you.

You have not lost a single limb. Everything that you are, is intact.

All you won't be able to have, is your swordsmanship.

Your wife and your daughter have been crying until their eyes resemble raccoons.

And you kept sulking like a big baby.

Holyshit, I was about to lose my mind.

For them, it is enough that you are safe. That you are alive. That they can still see you.

You selfish bastard.

As a mighty general, you kept them waiting; you have been going everywhere you fancy; you strike down countless bodies.