raising hope | s.m

♡Thirty-One♡

Maya

When I wake up, my fingers stretch out for Shawn. He's not there. My eyes flutter open and I look around the room. Hope is still asleep. Quietly, I get up and exit the room. 

Shawn sits on the couch in the living room. Should I talk to him? Will he respond? Instead, I walk into the kitchen and begin fixing food. Ever since yesterday, he hasn't been the same.

"Shawn, what do you want to eat?" I question blandly. His answer never comes. Something inside me switches and I go from sorry to irritated. Shutting off the oven, I walk out and stand in front of the TV. He just stares at me. No, through me.

"Maya, please move."

"No, not until you tell me what the hell is wrong." His jaw clenches slightly and he looks me in the eyes.

"I don't want to do this anymore."

"Do what?" I question with a hint of concern. My heart pounds. I knew this was going to happen.

"This. This thing we have. This thing you call love." My heart cracks. My arms cross over my chest as if that would protect my heart anymore.

"What do you mean?" The words are soft and not part of me.

"You know what I mean." He stands and walks into the kitchen. I follow. 

"You're lying," I mutter. He stares at me and shakes his head. My heart cracks a little more. "You have to be. You wouldn't do this to me. What happened to forever?"

"Nothing lasts forever, Maya. You of all people should know that." My lips part slightly, in awe. He hinted at Aiden. His eyes won't meet mine anymore. This is hurting him too. Hurt and anger bind into one storm.

"What the hell has gotten into you. We were doing better than ever and you just drop me like that. What about Hope? Are you really going to let her grow up without a father figure?"

"You'll find someone else." I scoff.

"You don't get it, Shawn. There is no one else like you! Your someone I knew was different from the moment I met you. You can't be replaced." He shrugs. Walking over to him, I grab his hands. "Please tell me that this is just a cruel joke. We can go back to bed and forget this ever happened."

"That's not how this works, Maya," he mutters. His hands slide out of mine. He walks away and I sit there frozen. "People change and that's how life works. You either get over it or you don't."

"No!" I shout, following him. "You don't get to chose. You don't get to hurt me like every other man in my life has. You don't get that choice. Only I get to chose who hurts me. You will not be one of those people. You promised you wouldn't be one of those people. You're my best friend, Shawn. Not only that, the love of my life. Please."

"I'm going to let you chose. Either, you kick me out or I leave and don't come back and we pretend like we never met."

"What the hell kind of a choice is that?" My hand pushes his chest.

"It's the one I'm giving you. Either chose or you don't get a choice."

"There's another girl, isn't there?" my voice is hush. He doesn't answer. "If you don't answer me, I'm going to take it the wrong way and think that you are cheating on me."

"My answer may not be-" I don't let him finish.

"Why? Why would you do that to me? To her! How long? Is she pretty? Is she better than me?" I pause, his eyes stare at the floor. My voice is softer when I say my next words, "I know what it is... she's not broken. She has a family who accepts her. She didn't get pregnant at eighteen. She doesn't have to work at a bar to keep giving herself food. But best of all, she wasn't raped. Her innocence wasn't taken away from her. Her youth wasn't torn from her back like a band-aid torn from a wound. That's what it is, isn't it, Shawn?"

He doesn't respond. My lips purse and my heart shatter. The flood comes, rushing waters down a narrow stream. Collapsing to my knees, I cry. My back shakes and my palms hide my eyes. I'm not sobbing. It's quiet. He doesn't walk over to try and comfort me or hold me.

"I'm done here," he mutters, "we're through. I never happened to you and you never happened to me." My heart shatters even more. "Goodbye, Maya."

The door shuts and a shallow sob escapes my lips. Hope is my everything. I was his world. What hurts the most is, he was my universe. He kept Hope and I going. My center of gravity. Without him, I'm floating away.

Hope begins crying from the other room. Slowly, I stand and walk into the room. She's not crying like she's hungry. It's like she's hurt too. My heart aches. Picking her up, she touches my cheeks and cries one word that makes everything that much more real.

"Dada," she cries. I pull her close to my chest and held her tightly. She's all I have left. We both sit there and cry. Both broken hearted for different reasons.