I Can't Help It

Chapter 20: Boys

LORI'S POV

I can't believe this. I just stood there speechless. My pride was hurt and I turned to face the door. I twisted the handle but after that I couldn't move. I couldn't find myself to leave.

Right now my heart was telling my pride to shut the hell up.

I didn't want to leave. I wanted Stan.

I didn't think about it anymore as I turned and followed him up the stairs.

"Stan" I was trying to sound demanding but it came out as a whimper. A cry for help.

I found Stan in his office at his desk, running a hand through his hair. He looked up at me and there was so much hurt in his eyes. He only looked at me for a second before putting his head back down.

"Lori please." He signed.

"Please what? Why are you doing this?" I just stood at the doorway afraid to move.

"I'm just exhausted okay. I can't do this with you right now."

"Well after what just happened, I don't want to be alone right now."

"I just need time to think Lori god! That was a lot for me and I just don't want you here right now while I clear my head and think."

I thought about his words and almost felt bad. But again my heart didn't want to be without him. I wanted to be here for him whether he wanted me to or not.

"It was a lot for me too but we can get through it together." I walked a few steps towards him.

He chuckled but still had hurt in his eyes. "You just don't get it do you? You are what I need to clear my head of Lori."

I'm confused now and I feel my heart rate increasing because I know this isn't going to end well. "But why?" I whisper.

Stan sighs loudly and heavily and then is silent for a while. "Fine" he says and stands up. "Fine if you really wanna do this." He walks around his desk and sits on top of it facing me. "Fine then let's talk then."

I stay quiet and I feel like a little girl that's about to get yelled at by her parents. He stares deeply into my eyes.

"You still have feelings for your ex."

"What n-"

He cuts me off. "No enough. You wanna do this then we're gonna do this. I want you to tell me honestly how you feel about him. And I swear if you lie just once this conversation will be over." He spoke with force in his voice and it sent chills down my back. There was a long silence as I tried to wrap my thoughts. I didn't want to think about Joseph but I also didn't want to lie to Stan and possibly lose him.

"Okay fine." I was just going to have to try my best to figure out my thoughts. Stan obviously satisfied that he would get some answers stayed quiet and waited for me to continue.

"When Joseph came back for the first time I was confused. I haven't thought about him in a while and then seeing him again brought back all these feelings I didn't know I had. But I was with you so I pushed them back."