REALITY

I'm Afraid

You told me you loved me.
But I didn't know how to answer.
I think I love you, but if I have to think about It, do I really?
When I'm in your arms there's no where else I want to be.
My head won't tell me how I feel.
But I've come to the realization that my head can't tell me how I feel,
Only my heart can.

I want to fall for you as you've fallen for me.
But every time I try I feel like something is grabbing me by the collar, holding me back so I can't fall.
But I know your at the bottom waiting for me.
So I fight to be free but I can't figure what it is that holds me captive,
Held just out of reach of pure happiness.
My mind is a jumbled mess.
I have never felt so confused before as I have now.
I feel like I am bound by ropes. And I don't know how to get out.

So God please help me to be free, because I want to fall for him because I have already come so far, and I can't see myself ever going back to the way I was before. Because I can't see how I ever lived my life when he wasn't in it. My life will never be whole again without him. So let me fall so I don't have to. I want him so bad, to be with him forever. But I afraid I will somehow hurt him.

Only one thing am I sure of right now, and that is:

I'm afraid, I'm afraid because I have already lost too many people. I'm afraid because I have already been hurt by too many people. I'm afraid because I don't want to fall farther than him and then have my heart ripped out. But then again I'm afraid not for me but for him. I'm afraid I will hurt him, that I won't be able to fall in the end. That I will leave myself broken hearted as well as the pure soul that is him.

He deserves someone better. A girl that isn't as broken as I am. A girl that will fall just as hard for him as he has for her. A girl that doesn't have scars up her arms or a girl that needs pills just to get through a day.

He needs someone who's just as perfect as he is, someone who won't stain his beautiful feathers.

In the end I have been asked the question: What is really holding me back, something else from my past, or is it me? My own conscience, just simply afraid of feeling anymore pain.

Pure happiness isn't real, is it?

I have never experienced this much happiness until now. That is why I feel like this is too good to be true. I can't wrap my head around you, I feel like this can't be real.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid.

"Sarah, stop being afraid."