REALITY

What To Do

Depression,
What an old friend, but one that never entirely left.

You have gone from being a distant relative to living in my house, yet again.

You bring with you nightmares from my past, come to torment me again.

Ones I can't even tell the closest people to me about.

Even him.

How am I supposed to tell him that you have again come to live within my home.

Last time it took everything in me to just get you to finally leave and become a mere bad dream,
But now you are back to bring that dream back to a reality.

How am I supposed to be happy all the time for him when I can't even get out of bed?

How am I supposed to tell him about my old issues that have come back, that I told him I was done with.

I am alone in this.

Last time I told someone, it ruined my life. You never know if you can trust people, or how they will react to that kind of self destruct button.

So now, I have to figure out what I am going to do. If I will tell him, which I'm fearful to do, or keep it from him.

Have him believe I am fine and happy, when in reality I am holding down the self destruct button, and it feels like the walls within this house are beginning to collapse.

I need help. But who can help me?

God, I need your help especially right now. I don't know what to do. Of weather I should him or keep it from him. And I'm that case I would need your help because I can't do this alone.

It's ruining me.

God help me to decide weather to tell him or weather to not.

She asked what my gut was telling me.

And I don't really know to be honest.

Because what I want and what I should do are two different things and I'm scared the one that I want is going to outshine what I should do. But if they are the same then that will work out I guess.

And I don't know if I'll be able to get out this time.

(While I was mid writing this, he came to my door. Thank you God for giving me the answer.)