Who am I?
These three words are the best and worst three words that I'm asked. And yet even after being asked the same question to myself every day, I have yet to find an answer.
I have heard the statement of I Am, is a sentence of power when finished.
Who am I?
What I know, is I'm afraid to state or confront my problems, because then they become real.
But i have forgotten what real is.
Who says what's real and what's not real.
Who says my problems are any bigger than anybody else's problems?
Every day I am battered down by my own mind.
"Don't eat that your already fat enough"
"He doesn't want you anymore"
"You will never be beautiful."
"He's going to leave you"
"He doesn't love you."
"You can't do that"
"Your too weak"
I try to find ways to block out the insecurity and the anxiety and depression, but it's so difficult to love and forgive and support, when you can't do any of these things even for yourself.
T, I don't know what to do.
I love you, but I can't get this nagging voice out of my head saying that he deserves better.
I can't stop myself from hitting the self destruct button that I've been pressing for my whole life.
And every time I have to build everything back up again only for me to destroy it later on.
I have all of these people I blame for my unhappiness.
My grandma-
you were supposed to love me
My ex best friend-
You were supposed to never betray me
My mom-
You were supposed to raise me
My dad-
You were supposed to protect me
My brothers-
You were supposed to be examples
Yet I believe that out of all of these people I have always believed ruined my life, I believe that all along the true enemy,
Was myself.
I couldn't stop, I couldn't let myself be happy.
I can't let myself be happy.
Or is there a way to fix me?
To change the wiring of my brain to love myself and accept myself and love others.
I would give anything, anything just to be free.
God set me free.
Break the chains that I have wrapped around myself,
Because this girl is her own worst enemy.
And she can't beat herself at her own game.
YOU ARE READING
REALITY
PoetryPoetry for those few souls that long for realness our world lacks Written not for reads but a place where I can write my feelings so I can attempt understand them myself. ••• To the boy that changed me. Heartbreak or not, you will live on in my burn...
