I See You [REWRITING]

chapter 11: too much

One restless night of sleep later, I'm sitting in my history class unable to focus on the exam in front of me. My thoughts still swimming, unable to focus and make a decision about Felix. Everything about the situation is telling me to say no. The timing is off. My parents are divorcing. And I'm pretty much just one huge hot mess.

But I can't stop thinking about what Lena said. If I can find one reason to go on the date, then maybe it's worth it and I do have one reason. A reason that still has my skin crawling, the rooftop memory setting my bones on fire and awakening every fiber of my being.

He sees me.

At least he says he does, and I really want to believe him. That his words are true and he means it. All of it. He sees me for myself, not my brothers or my dad.

Just me.

And that seems like good enough reason. Aside from that, he has taken over everything. I can't focus on my exam because I'm thinking about him. Like an ache I can't soothe but I'm stubborn. The part of me saying this is a bad idea is winning and I'll have to deal with that.

"Hey there, sleepyhead." Robyn says as she struts up to my locker, leaning into the one next to it as I turn my head to look at her. "You look like death ran you over, boo."

"Thanks," I sigh as I turn to look at my reflection in the small mirror in my locker.

She isn't wrong either. My eyes look tired and my hair unraveled, my instincts telling me to pull it up into a messy ponytail or bun. Anything would be better than this, but I can't bring myself to do anything about it.

"Didn't get much sleep?" She asks.

I shake my head as I close the door, "I was up late studying for my exam which I'm pretty sure I bombed and-."

"And you were thinking about Felix," Robyn grins, excitement filling her features.

Seeing no point in lying to her, I nod. "That and I got into a huge fight with my mom last night."

"What happened?" She asks as she takes my arm, her boy blinders going up. She completely ignores the fact I just said I'm thinking about Felix at the mention of family drama. Something I know I can always count on Robyn for. She is my support rock. The person I go to when I need to cry.

I shake my head. "It's my fault. I said something I shouldn't have, but I'm just so angry at my parents for not trying harder. It's like they completely forgot that we're a part of this too. It's not just their lives they're throwing away. It's ours too."

Robyn nods, "I get it, I do but Stevie if you're parents are unhappy being together...then maybe this if for the best and you just don't want to see it because it's your parents. It'll be weird if they ever meet someone new and get remarried but if this is what they want, you have to let them."

"I know, I do. It's just...I don't think they're unhappy with each other. I think life just got in the way and they stopped doing the little things," I admit to her. "Like my dad stopped bringing her flowers when he got home from tour. And she stopped rubbing his shoulders when he gets frustrated writing new music. The things you don't realize you took for granted until they're gone."

"Maybe they won't go through with it," she shrugs but my hope is bleak. It seems like things are becoming permanent no matter what I say.

"Maybe."

"I'm sorry you're going through all of this, boo but I guess this means I can officially welcome you to the kids of divorce club," she smiles weakly, trying to lighten the mood.

Her parents got divorced when she was ten years old. She knows what I'm going through and it's comforting to know she'll be there when I need her and if anyone is going to understand how I'm feeling, it's her.