The Villainess Will Not Bring Dishonor To Her Family

104 - Our Liege

There wasn't many outside my former clan I trust and respect, and in this world the number is lower still. Living is making choices, and an important choice is who to trust, and how deeply you trust someone.

As long as the man is honorable, you can trust him with your body. However, many other things play in when it comes to trusting people with your secrets.

Before anything else comes positions, relations, personality, years you've known each other, their sincerity, their loyalty, their dedications and life goals. It's a complicated mess, and for my former life if was something that could not only cost you your life, but also your status and your honor.

The young man in front of me right now is a political enemy before anything else. He's a fellow commander too. We have both lost men by our side. For this, I respect him. He looks directly at me as he speaks, and he speaks clearly.

I was shown a form of sincerity from him I would not have expected from just anyone. I don't care for the protective feature of the stone more than the indirect wish to keep me safe. No, the important thing in this is the story brought along with it, for when he holds it to me I can see a reflection of my own pain in his eyes. He saw me in pain and gave me a place to mourn. It is not a present I would accept from just anyone. It is not a matter for just anyone to touch.

However, he has proven his sincerity, and it would be insincere and discourteous of me to reject such sincere consideration from someone that sees the same scenery as I.

I thank him as calmly as possible, though my voice seems to be quivering. I squeeze the stone pendant tightly, breathe deeply. This is as far as I want to let him see, so I close my eyes and try to calm my stirring heart though it feels as though their hands are on my shoulders.

I open my eyes again, though my sight is dark and blurry. I miss them. I will never hear their voices again or see them run around sparring and training until their legs crumble beneath them... I...

"Lily!" I peer up at Lionel that frowns visibly.

"Yes?" I reply and straighten up. My posture seems to have crumbled while I was thinking. Lionel just frowns a bit.

"You look unwell, we should call it a day," he says calmly. His eyes hold a bit of worry in them... but no pity...

For a sadist he certainly knows how to read people well. No, perhaps that is a requirement? For how... how he treated Claire, he certainly is being gentle with me though...

"You still want me to marry Alstair?" I end up asking with more suspicion in my voice than I planned. Lionel just watches me calmly and replies promptly.

"This and that is unrelated. This is a matter between us about the loss of those by our side. The matter of Alstair's marriage is a matter of the future of the kingdom," his voice turns a bit hard and his brows furrow with irritation as he says this. Clearly angry I suspected him of trying to make me more agreeable.

I watch him quietly. He's always been by Alstair's side. He has always been stuck to Alstair's side, even when his brothers were getting poisoned. I can't imagine he'd actually do something that Alstair wouldn't like so I had half ignored this till now. He was considering this a matter of national security.

"What did Alstair do to get you like this?" I couldn't think of what in the world Alstair could have done. Lionel has been a perfect vassal. He had trusted, protected and held Alstair dear. There was no reason to agitate Lionel enough to make him diverge from your wants.

"He demanded that I tortured an assassin we had caught."

"What?!" My mind goes blank for a moment at those words. You cannot make a demand like that of your knights! Not even your soldiers! That is work for non-humans! For filth only!

I bring a hand to my mouth in nausea. I've watched torture before, but the thought of doing it makes me feel filthy... like I'm drenched in sticky blood... I shake it off.

Lionel looks tense as well. His jaw is tightened and his arms crossed defensively.

"I never thought he was that kind of person... I had a feeling that Gi..." he stops himself there and shakes his head... before continuing.

"You're honorable. It wouldn't be a place you would enjoy your life, but you're the only one I know that would be able to keep Alstair check mate. It is the only solution I could think of to keep Alstair from... from doing things he shouldn't," he admits bitterly and grits his teeth.

"It is too late. Alstair has already fallen for Claire Talwen. If I tried to get between his wants then he'd get rid of me."

Since Lionel already seems to know about Alstair's personality I speak this calmly... but it isn't well received.

"He can't do that, your family is protecting the western border," he argues back against me. I just shake my head.

"He has control over Gilbert, as well as most of the poison in the capital. Furthermore, he seems to have the will to use it. Otherwise the king of Crinia likely wouldn't have died," I reply calmly... but Lionel goes white at my words.

"Wait, that wasn't a sickness? No, even then he was only visiting the Salender Mansion..." Lionel stairs trying to excuse Alstair... I've already said more than I should, so perhaps I should leave it here...

"Lily... does the royal family really deal with poison?"

I looked up at him calmly.

"They wouldn't keep a wild dog at their side. House Salender likely has freedom to get rid of small fries, but for major political interventions they'd need permission from the royal family. Otherwise the royal family should have been oblivious even to the torture."