The Villainess Will Not Bring Dishonor To Her Family

166 - Unheard

Alva's Point Of View (Gilbert's Spy)

The darkening skies outside the castle dim my already cold room in a bluish light. Even the faeries must be unhappy with this surrender for them to turn the sky like this on what should be an auspicious day in the minds of the traitors...

How did it come to this?

We surrender to a cruel enemy that uses the dead, our own new monarch is a monster that committed patricide and gets manipulated by the dead, and-

...Gil-sama is dead.

His life robbed by the hand of the one whom he wished happiness, together with the man Gil-sama decided for her... How could she cast away Gil-sama's gentle hand and turn against him so coldly?

...but Lady Lily was my responsibility. Even if not for long, I had watched over her during her time at Castle Tepet and I knew... I should have known what kind of person she was!

But why?! Why would she treat that coward Peony with far more compassion than she did Gil-sama! Why?! If she let that coward only lose his title then Gil-sama should die?!

I feel the tears welling up again and stare down at the grey windowsill that is bestrewn with my tears of frustration.

I should still have been there to stop her. Even if I couldn't stop her, I should have been there to take the blow that took his life so unfairly.

So why... WHY WAS I HERE?!

I slam my fist down against the windowsill, only to tremble as the pain jolts through my hand from my thoughtless anger. I rip my hand from the windowsill and hug it close to me.

I should have stayed in Ristaze even if Gil-sama ordered me to go to Headal!

I mutter out a curse under my breath, as I sink down to the cold stone floor with tear stained cheeks. I have been losing control ever since Lady Lily arrived here at castle Duvin. I put a hand to my stomach and grasp the dress tightly.

I'm even in this situation... it's beginning to get visible too.

Had I known it would turn out like this then I would have confessed all of my feelings for Gil-sama even if I had slept with her bodyguard... I would have begged Gil-sama to consider me even just for a moment, even if I probably never would have reached his heart... but if I did... if I did then just maybe he would still be alive.

Now I have nothing but this child of a man that I do not love.

I was sure... I was so sure that it would be fine. I let myself dream a small happy dream of false love since I couldn't receive Gil-sama's love... probably, no matter how I begged, he would never love me back.

I just wanted a night where I wouldn't have to think of the love I could never have. I didn't want to end up with child!

The moment I did I was expected of me to carry this through, but now Gil-sama isn't here, then what am I supposed to do with it?!... This child that isn't Gil-sama's.

I curl up and hug around my stomach as I sob quietly in my dark room.

Gil-sama did so much for all of them, and they're treating him like a villain! They are letting everything he built fall apart and condemning it!