男孩: Boy

章节: 11 - Regrets and the Signs of Selfishness

A cascade Jimin imagined, of only pure petals, being brought for Me! He imagined loudly; the shades of red roses that fell for him. There was a waterfall up North of the Nanhai district - Jimin imagined the water turning to petals and full roses, the suffocating surge of the floral scent that followed and the heavenly breathlessness that came too from being buried by these flowers the world had shed for him. These were the thoughts that invaded his mind when he first heard his love's breath return. How the world, the heaven and the sort had given him all that he could have wanted at that moment, and how immeasurably impossible and fortunate it seemed to his rapidly expanding heart. But there he was and there he was, his little breaths singing more beauty into his world than any opera Jimin could dream of.

"Jimin?" Jungkook's cracked voice begged. He had opened his eyes to Jimin's cry, but as the older had already allowed himself to fall to the ground, he was sobbing to himself in sheer relief, Jungkook couldn't see his pretty angel from his rest.

A spike of clarity was aroused within Jimin at his love's voice and it pulled him from the floor to meet the sound. He found his legs stable this time and his glossed eyes to be mirrored by Jungkook's. Jimin had already launched at the other to pull him to a tight embrace where they both could sob softly. He had half the mind to claim Jungkook's lips too - the only thing stopping him was grandmother Qiuxue who was still there and of course overtly relieved to see his grandson awake too. She too wanted to grace her grandson, no doubt, and more than anyone in that room she would have deserved this embrace but quickly did a loving heart turn to possessiveness and then, the possessive heart to selfishness - Jimin could not bare loaning Jungkook to anyone else just yet. Instead he pulled Jungkook tighter, nearer and if not stricken by this sense of utter relief he wondered whether a horrible growl would have found its way out his throat for anyone who tried to approach his love.

His eyes were locked tight on Jungkook's, yelling love, love, love, as now that the younger's eyes were open too, Jimin could appreciate them as he wouldn't allow himself to do the first time he had seen them. Jimin's gaze was demanding and revealing and he asked a lot from his love with just his mere stare. Jungkook understood though and turned his attention to the nurse and then grandmother for a while, as short as he could make it, "You can leave now." He mumbled frailly, so fragile that even the nurse, a servant of his doubted whether to trust him quite yet. "L-leave!" He ordered more strongly this time, eager and desperate, yet still it came across as more a yearning whine than anything else. He turned to grandmother and mouthed a silent thank you and nodded reassuringly so that she would grow the courage to leave quickly too. They left silently and Qiuxue with a stiff pat on Jungkook's back, both understanding yet endlessly patronizing and demeaning as if simply stating that they'd speak of this sooner or later.

As soon as Jimin heard the door slide close, he plunged himself on Jungkook, his lips stealing the other's completely. He was still sobbing yet the tears muffled quickly after finally having what was his back.

"J-Jungkook," Jimin tried but he was completely compromised amidst Jungkook's hold "You weren't breathing! I thought-, I thought that you had-," He couldn't finish his sentence without falling to the same worry he had been in just moments before.

"I took too much, I'm sorry." He whined too, pulling Jimin closer by his waist as Jimin did the same with Jungkook's neck. "But this was the last time, Jimin. I promise!" He apologized but Jimin couldn't fathom his words. He could only blame the fumes for what had happened, he didn't know to blame his love who knew well he was taking too much. "But, but, are you alright at least Jimin?" Jungkook went on, hands rising up the smaller's body to tuck Jimin's hair away from his face, wanting to distract the older from worrying too much about his state.

"I-, I was so worried I couldn't breath." Jimin's shaky breath returned, his hand went to clutch his rising chest protectively. "When you wouldn't wake up, I couldn't do anything but cry! I have never been this way..."

"Sometimes the mornings after the poppy are quite suffocating." Jungkook admitted shamefully again, hiding his face as he couldn't quite confront this pain he had caused Jimin without his high. "You might feel anxious for a while. It'll get better soon, I promise..." Yet he too couldn't be quite sure of that either. He kept returning to the poppy precisely for this reason - he could not bare the tight chest, the flashes of heat and then, sudden cold. He couldn't deal with the headaches and the terrible nervousness that ensued.

"Oh," Jimin realized with a sour pout. That isn't it, he thought to himself and soon spoke out loud too: "No, that's not it Jungkook." He hesitated for a while before speaking again, for he knew how bold he'd have to be to speak the words he wanted. He took a deep, steadying breath. "There are things that a concubine should not say, and I have perhaps said them all already," Jimin mumbled, attention blooming on especially the thick veins on his master's arms and neck that so joyously spoke of surging life - one that was almost lost but thank the almighty, everlasting heavens, was not. "therefore these words I shall say next will come from a friend... I have fallen in love with the man who owns me, and though I do not expect of this man to share these feelings with me, certainly not for a mere concubine, I wish that this declaration will inspire my master to be more brave with me."

Jungkook stood in awe for a while, but soon caught the single flaw in Jimin's enchanting words. "Jungkook. It's Jungkook to you Jimin, always." Jungkook pleaded. "Please, I do not wish to hear 'master' from your lips again." He whined, and if he had been childish enough he would have demanded Jimin to repeat his words, just to replace the hideous word with Jungkook's name instead. He wanted to wrap the entirety of his mind and existence with these warm words, so that all forthcoming thoughts of his would always fall back to these few words of his angel. That was how joyous he was to hear such pretty words too, but he couldn't love them as such, for Jimin had used the one forbidden word.

Jimin continued however, wanting to relay his point once so that they'd never have to speak of this day again. "Brave without the sinister flower that gives you false courage, for this, other flower," Jimin pointed to himself, "loves you regardless. And what happened today, should it ever happen again, shall surely wither and kill my growth."

Jungkook tilted his head in response, not quite following Jimin's poetry any longer. His furrowed brows and confused eyes spurred Jimin to explain further.

"I ask of you to abandon this spoiled flower, no longer for merely your own good, but because I have grown possessive of my love, and cannot bare to compete with anyone else."

Jungkook took the smaller one's hands to his to speak his conviction, with both regret and certitude he turned his eyes to meet Jimin's. "I will. For you I will." And the words he wanted to speak next weighed the most on his tongue, on his mind and his nervousness wanted to stop him from saying them, wanting to keep him in his false sense of safety of evading all and every sensation and spike of desire he could so that he couldn't be led astray by this delicate, glistening world Jimin had introduced him. Yet, at this moment in particular, after already nearly suffocating himself on his own insanity, he could not stop himself: "For I love you, dearly, hauntingly. In a way I fear I haven't shown you properly. I love you Jimin."