My Human

Chapter 21

"Come back... Aeris.... come back to me..."

The fog cleared and I found myself in Xan's arms. His eyes were panicked while a golden glow surrounded him and his fingers ran through my hair.

I blinked a few times but this image didn't change; this was real.

Xan looked relieved. "Where did you go?" He asked with a quiet, panicked voice.

"I-I don't know," I answered, realizing I was trembling.

"You're eyes just went blank and your body went limp, like you were somewhere else..." his voice trailed off, holding me tighter as if would stop me from shaking.  "It's okay," he soothed.

"Can you tell what's wrong?" I asked, noticing he was still glowing with his golden light. He usually seemed to know what was happening when I saw that light.

He shook his head.  "It's weird, but somehow I was blocked." He drew his hand to my forehead and held it there gently. "Did you see anything or remember anything? Perhaps if you focus on it now I can figure out what's happening."

I froze.  I hadn't told him about the dreams and the man that kept appearing in them.  I was beginning to realize they weren't just dreams, but rather memories.

"Aeris..." he felt my hesitation. "Tell me."

I took a breath knowing I needed to be honest with him. 

"I was in some type of lab," I began.  He closed his eyes, seemingly focused on what he could learn.  "There was a man and... it seemed as if we were romantically involved."

His eyes popped open with a hint of jade. "A lover?"

I felt my cheeks burn. "I'm not sure," I murmured.

He closed his eyes again. "Show me," he demanded.

I swallowed hard and nodded, forcing my mind to remember the images. I thought about the voice telling me I belonged to him. I drew my mind back to the images of this man with me under the stars and then finally the latest memory inside the lab. I focused, trying to see if I could decipher his face but still it remained a mystery to me as well.

I drew my eyes up to Xan and his brow was furrowed.

"Did it work?" I asked meekly.

He nodded with an affirming grunt. He seemed agitated.

"Your memories are buried deep in your subconscious. I'm not sure why I'm blocked from you when I try to read what's happening to you. I just can't get in. I should be able to. It's just like the last time you had an episode."

Episode? Is that what I was having? My mind flashed back to when that horrible head pain had incapacitated me. Xan had been trying to figure out what was happening and even then he was unable.

"But you can get in now?" I asked and he nodded.  "What does that mean then?"

He shook his head, frustrated. "I don't know, he sighed bitterly . "And for some reason your memories of this man seem to be forcing themselves through." There was an edge to his voice as he said it. "He must have been very important to you."

I felt a jab in my stomach. Why did I feel guilty for these memories? I couldn't control any of it.

I sighed angrily. Why were my own memories hiding from me? Shouldn't they be coming to the surface and providing clarity? Instead I was being left with small confusing glimpses that weren't leading me to anything and when they did appear, my body seemed to just shut down. What was even happening to me? What had happened to me?