Lost in the Shadows

28

"Dani," I woke up to the sound of David shaking me. "Dani," he shook harder causing me to open my eyes in confusion.

The sun was up and Rocky was still lying beside me, "Whats wrong," I asked as he sighed in relief.

"I thought you were dead. How much did you drink last night," he asked sitting on the ground next to me. He then spotted the half empty bottle and shook his head, "It's 2pm in the afternoon and Wes started freaking out about how he hasn't heard you moved all day. I thought you would be throwing up or something so it took all of my convincing to allow him to let me check on you," he chuckled obviously as ease that I woke up.

Wes walked in on David and I talking and he wasn't not enthused. David quickly slid the bottle back under my bed and stood up, "She's awake," he said clapping his hands together and letting out a huff. Wes just scolded at him as if he was trying to read his mind, but David quickly walked out of the room.

Wes just looked at me in confusion, probably wondering why I've been sleeping on the floor. I didn't have an answer for that other than the floor felt safer and more stable than the bed. I wondered if my experiences in the last few days had something to do with that, but I didn't think so. I remember even when I was little if I was upset I would sit on the floor. Almost as if I was trying to torture myself and didn't feel worthy of a comfort and warmth.

He took another step into the room. I could see him trying to figure out what to say, he looked in deep thought over something. "Um, are you okay," he asked flustered as he scratched the back of his head. I could tell that he knew something was up, whether that being the dark circles that shadowed underneath my eyes, or the fact that I looked like I had a hangover. I just hoped that he couldn't smell the booze on me.

He then sat on the edge of the bed as he still looked at me, "So me and the guys are going down to the shop to discuss a few things with the rest of the team. Do you want to come or would you rather stay here," he asked, but I knew that's not what he wanted to say. I could feel the weight on his shoulder.

"I'll stay," I responded in a weak voice.

He nodded then stood up, "You can keep Rocky here with you and if you need anything you can call me," he paused, "or any other the other guys."

I heard the front door shut and that's when I decided to stand up, "Well, looks like we have the house to ourselves," I faked cheered to Rocky. However, even Rocky saw right through me. He knew that since all of the vodka was out my system, I could now feel the pain all over again. Smart dog I thought.

Once I exited the room I realized how empty the house seemed. I hated it. It's too big of an house to only have one person in it, it's too big of a house period. I felt alone as I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, usually I have footsteps to keep me sane, but right now it was just empty.

I started crying again once I remembered everything. My life has turn upside down in only a few days. School seemed trivial to me and school is usually the thing that keeps me going. My dreams of becoming a doctor seemed irrelevant now, I've seen a man die in front of me. One minute he was there and one minute he wasn't. Wes told me about the darker side of this world that he is apart of and now a doctor seemed to small, it felt like the littlest of my worries. Now, I wake up in the morning knowing that someone wants to kill me, when I used to wake up thinking how great the day was and praying that I do well on the test.

Everything in my life felt so insufficient, nothing seemed to take my mind off of that. I know that I am becoming a different person, and I know that the dreamer college girl will always be dead. It's like my light at the end of of the tunnel just turned off and now I'm lost in the darkness trying to find my way out.