HMS Valediction

Chapter 37.3

His voice is as I remember it. Just like he whispered it in my ear yesterday. I tried to forget it, it's deep notes, the way it made me feel like I was crumbling under its bass.

The sound of our own communications operator blares out. "This is HMS Valediction base responding, Commander Freyer. What's your mayday?"

Dean returns. Panic, something I don't remember as part of his voice's range for as long as I've known him. "Mayday. Mayday. Requesting immediate assistance. Mayday. Mayday..."

The line dies. The static returns. "Commander Freyer? Are you there? Commander Freyer?"

When my eyes unfocus from their hard stare on the wall, I notice all three staring at me expectantly.

I want them to play it again, just to hear him say his own name—a name I tried to forget. One I tried to erase from my memory with long stints at hole-in-the-wall dives across the galaxy, drinking until my brain became a black void. Each stint on another planet created new memories to push out the old. Each order I took from Moon was another to squeeze away the past.

The implanted scales were supposed to help numb it all. And for the most part, they've worked. But even the scales can't stop my heart from reacting.

His voice. Here. In this room. Begging for help. It brings everything hurling back to the front of my mind.

"Do you know who that is?" Teeno asks.

Even Nuna is staring at me again, her eyes darkened with concern. I must look like a ghost. Moon has shifted into what appears to be curiosity.

"I do."

"Shall we proceed to their air space to see what's going on?"

Moon responds before I can form words. "We separated ourselves from the ARC mess for a reason. We don't need to do anything. Ignore it."

I snap to attention. An old part of me, starting at the bottom of my boots and growing, warming my chilled veins crawls up my body filling my skin. Part of me wants to crawl away and disappear, clutching the last words until I become them too.

"You remember that name," I nod at Moon. "ARC9 met with..."

We don't say her name on this ship anymore.

"I remember," he spits. "He betrayed you. Why do you care? Ignore it so we can move on with our lives already."

"Yeah," I say as I shrug. "You're right."

Moon settles back into the shadows, nursing his scotch.

I spin on my heel and leave.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Moon shouts from behind.

I fly down the halls, tracing the old steps I haven't walked in a long, long time. When I reach my personal hangar, I pause at the doorway. The tik tik tik of John's familiar gait echos in and out of focus. When he appears, Hux is riding his torso.

"Where are you going, Mommy?"

"To visit the past, kiddo."

Ledi opens the door for me. At first, it's hard to look at. It's been so long since I've visited the last remaining piece of ARC10. My shuttle.

It's as ugly as ever before. The smell emitting from it strikes me as soon as I enter the hangar—it's one I was so used to once upon a time. Hux holds his nose shut with two fingers.

In the corner, Ledi's blank canvas hardware is piled like a boneyard of discarded limbs.

"What's that?" Hux points to the ship.