patient • chensung

8 • i caught a habit

Jisung ran back to his room as soon as he'd left the older boy's. 

He'd only recently found out that Chenle did in fact live in the hospital, on the floor above the mental asylum. It was a spacious studio apartment, and he found it whilst walking through the endless corridors the previous night. It excited him, that he could go whenever to release his stress- but what he did not expect was for the boy to actually agree on his wish.

Upon entering his room, he quickly shut the door with a kick of his foot and leapt onto his bed, ecstatic.

Jisung rarely went out for entertainment or will. He was usually out as he had no home. He did have a house, however but the reason he never called it home was because 'home is where the heart is'. It was just the place of living where his parents left him. He had no actual idea of his parents, but he did know that he was unwanted to them- they didn't need him, not wished for him. He knew this because if they did, he would be long gone from here right now.

Long gone from his mental state.

Although Jisung realised soon after that there was no use in reminiscing his empty past. Of course, he doubted there would be a better future, but somehow, upon meeting this doctor, there had been a small bubble of hope inside of him that something would happen.

Something that would chan he his life, his mind, his state, and his heart.

The thing is, is that these all feel materialistic when one is without them. It seems all too common- most people own all of these, yet they tend to act as if it's normal.

This is why Jisung hated people.

Pride should not be a feeling in people. It should be banished, gone completely. Pride simply messed with one's brain and tends to merge it into all sorts of things- hence the term 'big headed'. The way that people accomplish things should be treated upon in a happy way, but what do people do?

They brag, they become lethargic after that simple achievement. They post it all over social media and continue to speak about if for the next few weeks, months even. It only worsens ones character and Jisung thinks that people should live without desire.

Desire is a dreadful feeling, and he could go on, and on about how much he despises it.

But he won't.

Back in his room, the boy flicks his wrist up to his face, checking the time on his black watch.

3pm.

It was a Saturday, meaning that Jisung had no appointments with Chenle today. No way to talk to him until 7pm, although he was incredibly grateful that the boy amended to his wishes. Very grateful.

"Do you year that? He does care!" Jisung yelled to the irritating voices bouncing off the walls of his brain.

"It's pity, Jisung."

His infuriation only grew.

"He agreed to me and is going with me!"

"He hates you. What more would he want to get you away!'

He yelled at the walls, trying to do everything to block out the noises, the degrading comments and the insults thrown towards him.

The yell that echoed around the hospital was enough to tell Chenle that something was happening with Jisung. Something not so good, which is why he didn't hesitate to leap down the stairs of the top floor, and head straight to the closed door of his patient's.

It was like all the noises stopped when Chenle entered.

Jisung slowly lifted his head, no more thrashing or nasty comments directed to him anymore. He felt as if the bars had been lifted, and they quite literally did as Chenle stepped further into the room, crouching down to the younger's height at this level.

"Did the voices come back, Jisung?" Chenle murmured, rubbing the boy's back in small circles with his palm.

Jisung nodded, grasping at the blonde's hair.

"Please get them away forever. I beg you, Doctor."

Chenle sighed. "You know I can't do that, Jisung."

"But-"

"But I'm more than happy to help you get rid of them. It's you and only you who can vanish the sounds forever, not me, not anyone else. Just you."

Jisung took his hands away from Chenle's head, and began rubbing at his own temple.

"Fine," he stared.

Chenle smiled. "Good, Jisung. You're getting better."

The younger's mind laughed at himself. Sure, he thought. He doubted there was much longer until he went fully, mentally insane but he was lucky for the time being. Nothing too serious had happened.

"Look, I'll leave you to start pushing them away- I have paperwork to complete but call me if you need me. I'll see you at 7pm otherwise though."

Jisung sulked. "Fine."

With one last rub on his back, Chenle pushed himself up to his feet, brushing himself off. "I'll see you later, Mr. Park."

Jisung nodded, even though Chenle couldn't see him anymore. "You too, Chenle."

The voices didn't return immediately when the elder left, instead it was just plain, pin-drop silence. The only occasional laughs of patients further down the building could be heard, and the other doctors chuckling in return, but apart from that, there was barely anything.

It was empty. It was incredibly empty, just like his mind. His mind had been cleared from the insulting voices, but why was he not satisfied? Why was he not content with the fact that those rude, insensitive voices had left?

Perhaps it was because everything was too empty. The boy hadn't felt any proper emotion in years, and at times like this, when nothing would bother him, he would end up thinking about how he had to suffer. He was emotionless; he had no feelings or anything to confide in with anybody else, something he wished he could do.

It was just the endless loneliness that would often take over himself, he was going crazy for being lonely, but what he'd himself began to observe, was the lessening of it. He had controlled himself quite a lot more now, but he didn't know why.

It was a strange feeling, yet he was ready to discover it.