Before I Met You

12: "Why Does It Matter?"

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚃𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚟𝚎

 "𝚆𝚑𝚢 𝙳𝚘𝚎𝚜 𝙸𝚝 𝙼𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛?"

TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains violent/mature scenes. My biggest priority will always be the mental wellbeing of my readers! Please, if you struggle with self-harm, I suggest you skip past the flashback and just read after it. I love you guys! Also, if you find yourself in a hard place and need someone to talk to, just shoot me a message <3 

Then

"XAVIER, OPEN UP! Your mom let me in. I've tried calling you like five times. Are you good?"

I hear dion knocking on the bathroom door that's connected to my room, but no ounce of me can move my body. There's blood surrounding me on the floor, the stinging on my skin being the only thing keeping me from falling asleep. The pain hurts but feels good at the same time. I deserve to feel this way.

I'm sure everyone will be fine if I'm gone, right? My dad hardly speaks to me, my mom cries every single day. I'm a failure. I never should have made it out alive to begin with.

"Xavier." Dion pounds on the door. "Don't make me pick this lock, man. You know I will. Open up."

The handle jiggles a couple of times, but I still sit on the floor. I don't think I could really get up if I tried. I'm so weak.

I thought I'd be afraid of dying, I thought that it would be painful, but honestly, if I am dying right now, all I feel is...nothing. That's probably because there's no way in hell anything could hurt more than the pain I've had for the past month. I've held on as long as I could.

The door bursts open, Dion taking a huge step back before his face pales. I don't cry, I don't try to explain myself, I just sit here and stare into space.

"Fuck!" Dion covers his mouth before he starts to cry. He seems to be crying a lot lately. "Xavier, no, no, no." He sinks to his knees and screams for my mom to call an ambulance. "This isn't the way out, man. I-I could have helped you."

He stands up to grab a towel before he slips and falls into the blood on the tile. It looks like he's about to puke, but he composes himself and forcefully grabs one wrist, tying the towel around it tightly.

There's a shriek of horror from my mom, her sobs filling my ears as I feel my eyes begin to shut.

"Don't you dare." Dion seethes. "I swear to God Xavier you better stay awake. Do you hear me?"

Sirens echo from outside the house a few minutes later, and just for a second I almost regret what I've done. I didn't mean to do this to them, but I don't want to be here anymore. I want to escape all of this pain. I want to be anywhere but here.

"Hold on, Xavier." Dion says. "Just hold on."

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I slide into the car with Dion and Amelia, my anger continuing to rise by the second. I don't know how to handle all of these emotions going on at once. Fury, jealousy, disappointment, so many feelings are racing through my veins and I don't know if I can honestly handle it.

"What'd you guys do?" He says, blinking a couple of times to not be so drunk. Amelia has her head on his shoulder, her eyes opening slightly to focus on us. I don't want to say anything in front of Elena's roommate because I know she'll more than likely go back and tell her. That's how girls are.