Before I Met You

29: "That's Not Your Fault."

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚃𝚠𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚢 𝙽𝚒𝚗𝚎

"𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝙽𝚘𝚝 𝚈𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝙵𝚊𝚞𝚕𝚝."

Winter break ended way too quickly. As I help Elena unpack and get situated into her dorm room, I can't help but think about how lonely it will be tonight alone. Since when the hell did I ever give a shit about sleeping alone?

"Well, I guess that's everything." I drum my fingertips on the wood of her headboard, trying to figure out a way to stay longer. I don't want to seem clingy, but damn. It's going to be weird being without her.

"Yep. I'll be fine." She sends me a reassuring glance as she begins to take out her pajamas for the night. "You should head back to your place. It's getting dark and you still haven't unpacked anything."

It feels like she's trying to kick me out almost, so I just nod my head and head for the door. I'm not going to seem like some clingy ass boyfriend. If she wants space then she can have space.

"Wait." She grasps onto the sleeve of my sweatshirt and pulls me in to kiss her. I smile into her lips and tug her closer, running my hands down to gently squeeze her backside.

"Goodnight, Elena." I whisper when I pull away. "I'll call you tomorrow."

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My eyes pop open to Elena poking me in the arm. I have no idea what time it is, but it's early as hell because I didn't fall asleep until around two.

"What are you doing here?" I mumble groggily.

"Um, Dion let me in. He was still up. There's just a lot of, um, silence. It was weird. Ameila isn't getting back until tomorrow, and I'm just so used to sleeping with you lately that I just... well, I don't know. I just came over. I wasn't thinking. I probably should have-"

"Elena." I groan and put a pillow over my face. "Can you please just get in the bed and stop talking? I'm so tired."

She crawls in beside me and doesn't say anything back, the silence surrounding the room. I turn on my side to face her and pull her towards me so that her back is against my chest. I listen to her breathing for a few minutes, and just when I think she might be asleep she lets out a sigh.

"What is it?" I mumble against her ear.

"I just can't sleep."

She rolls onto her back so that her head is resting against my bicep, her teeth tugging on her bottom lip. It looks as if she might cry.

"Hey," I grasp her chin so that she'll look me in the eyes. Suddenly I'm not as tired as I was a few minutes ago. "Are you okay?"

"It's just one of those nights that I really don't want to be alone."

I kiss her forehead and grip her tighter to somehow make her feel better. I don't know if I'm helping any, but it feels good to know that she came to me when she's in a bad place.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask her.

She stares up at the ceiling for about a minute, letting out another sigh before she closes her eyes. "A lot of the times I just don't see what talking about it will do. I know what my group tells me and what they preach about, but it's easier said than done. I try to make it seem like nothing about my past gets to me, but at times it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders from how much shit I carry."

"So give me some of that shit to carry." I offer. "Lay it on me. Let me try to help."

"There's nothing you can help with, Xav. How are you supposed to help me forget about what happened? I lay in the dark alone and all I can think about is my dad coming through my door and doing it all over again to me. Isn't that crazy? It's been years since it happened, I was so young, but I still can't sit in a dark room alone without getting petrified that I'll see him again."