Stairway to Heaven

20. Pain & Relief

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His impassive gaze remained glued to the swinging pendulum of the Great Grandfather clock, on one side of the room.

"Mateen, I just asked you something—"

He heard Dr.Farooq's voice, who was seated on the sofa opposite to him, but Mateen's gaze never wavered from the big clock placed to his left.

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"—are you going to let this session end without saying a single word, too?"

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Almost appearing as if he hadn't heard the Doctor say anything, Mateen continued with his prior activity. It was already close to a week since he had been coming here and ever since that day Mateen had barely spoken to anyone. He wondered at times, if he still knew how to speak.

"Is there any thing that comes to your mind, which could have been a trigger factor?" Dr. Farooq continued unfazed by Mateen's lack of participation and didn't manage to catch the the barest hint of movement of his eyes, as immediately Hajra's face flickered across the screens of his mind.

"I am at my limit, Mateen. Please spare me now."

"—just so I was spared from meeting you."

He felt his breath hitch in his throat from the memory and had to gulp down to be able to even out his breaths and not let him catch any reaction.

"Did something happen at home?" He inquired blankly and Mateen's impassive face disclosed nothing.

"—Who's fault do you think he is like this, HUH?!" Mateen heard his father's screams, down from the living room, all the way upto his own room. His gaze devoid of any emotion, glued to the closed door, as he continued to sit on the carpeted floor by the bedside.

"Ofcourse—! Everything is my fault obviously—! And my biggest mistake is marrying you Shahid Abbasi—!" Ghazala was cut short in the middle of her outburst, by a sharp slap delivered across her face.

Mateen could overhear his Mother's hysterical screams mixed in with his Father's retaliation, even through the throbbing migraine, numbing his senses.

Following the news of his immediate suspension, hell ensued in his house and just like that time years ago, this time too, Mateen was sent to Dr. Farooq, a renown psychologist—plus, their family friend. However, neither times had Mateen spoken a single word to him.

Mateen heard him shift forward in his seat with a sigh; yet, he didn't tear his eyes from the swinging pendulum.

"Your condition doesn't look too good. Have you been getting any sleep? Are you still taking those meds? I might need to take a look at them before making some dosage adjustments—Is there anything else that gives you relief?"

Relief?

The word felt thick in his mouth and he actually made an attempt to rake his mind for an answer but came up empty-handed. By now, he wasn't able to cry anymore, either. Mateen felt like he had shed all tears, of his lifetime. Yet, whether he cried, breathed or stayed awake—her images would continue to flash across his mind again and again.

"Time's up."

He mumbled softly, as his gaze flickered from the Grandfather clock to meet the Doctor's, but without waiting to hear his response, Mateen got up and stalked towards the door.