Dark Paradise

chapter twenty-eight

( no gif this chapter BECAUSE THEYRE ALL TOO BIG FOR STUPID FCKING WATTPAD! oh and sorry for the late chapter again! i thought i had it published last night before i went to bed but ig not 😐😭 )

C H A P T E R T W E N T Y - E I G H T

CELIA COULD NOT SLEEP THAT WHOLE NIGHT. She get running scenarios of what could possibly happen if she helped Javier. It's just every time she would think about something bad that could happen Celia would regret even thinking about helping, but then the thought of having peace for the Colombians would be brought up and she would be back at square one. She internally fought with herself about helping or if she shouldn't. Celia knew she, herself, had been through hell and back and Javier asking her to help get Gustavo was basically asking her to make that trip to hell and back again. She was indecisive and she needed someone else to help her make a decision.

The very next day Celia, thankfully, met with her therapist. It was one that both the Embassy and her doctor had approved of to be fit for her situation as they put it. Her therapist was an older looking woman who didn't seem to be any older than her own adoptive mother. What she liked about her therapist, Arlene, was that she was pretty damn good at her job.

"I just don't know what to do," Celia admitted to her therapist as she glanced down at her hands, fiddling her thumbs. "As much as I think it would be good to help, I just can't find myself to actually get myself to help. Just as I think I'm getting myself to help I think of something bad and I get sick to my stomach and I get scared and I think otherwise."

"You get scared because of Gustavo?" Arlene asked to clarify as she jotted down something in her notepad.

Celia kept her eyes on her hands in her lap and stayed silent instead of answering Arlene's question.

"Celia, I want you to remember that you're safe no. Gustavo cannot hurt you and-"

"You and I know that that's not true," Celia interrupted her therapist as she finally met her gaze. "As long as I'm here I'm not safe."

"And what about the people of Colombia? Do you think they're safe?" Arlene asked as she tried to divert the conversation back to what Celia was initially talking about. "Do you think they would be more safe if Pablo was in jail or dead?"

"I know they'd be safer with Pablo dead but there will always be other men like him," Celia answered as she got up and began to pace the room. "Just knowing that maybe there will be someone worse than him in the future could I possibly be sparing them that if I don't do what Javier is asking me to do? Am I selfish to want to let the people of Colombia suffer because I'm fucking scared to see that man's face again?"

"You're not selfish for that. In fact, you have every right to feel that way because of what happened to you." Arlene set aside her notepad and stood onto her feet. She walked over to Celia and held her at arm's length. "You are still recovering from what happened to you and to be honest with you people don't one hundred percent bounce back from situations like this. You will always have this trauma, but it's up to you on how you're going to let it affect you and how you're going to carry it with you for the rest of your life. Are you going to carry it in a suitcase and let it dictate your life or are you going to carry it in a purse and let you, yourself, dictate your life? It's all up to you. I know there's always going to be others cartel leaders, but who knows what the future holds. Right now you just need to focus on the present and what you can do. I know you want to do the right thing, but your trauma is holding you back and that's what's keeping you from doing what you'd do before. Don't let your trauma be the one to tell you how to life your life. You make those decisions. You do what you believe is right."