Remember me

Chapter 23

Mia

When we arrive at the party I see Marley skipping over to Nicks truck while he comes around the side to open my door for me.

"Such a gentleman!" I hear Marley say as I'm stepping out of the truck. I turn towards her and smile and Nick replies "Nice to see you again Marley." She laughs, smacking him on the shoulder, "Oh don't lie!"

I look between the two of them and narrow my eyes at Marley suspiciously, which just earns another chuckle from her. "Come on guys" Marley gestures towards the small gathering "I have a feeling tonight is going to be amazing."

With Nick beside me we trail behind Marley towards the group. As far as high school parties go, this is my favorite kind. Several trucks are backed up in the dirt forming a ring around a huge fire pit, with teenagers sitting in the truck beds and on pallets on the ground, talking and drinking. Country music is playing in the background and the flickering light from bonfire is mesmerizing.

"Huh. This isn't what I expected" Nick says. I glance over at him and he smiles back at me, "it's nice, right?" I nod, smiling back at him "It is nice."

"I'll be right back" Nick says. I'm going to back my truck into the circle so we have somewhere to sit."

"Sounds good" I reply, as he walks away. Marley sidles up to me and gives me a side hug saying, "I'm so glad you came." I hug her back and say, "Care explaining why Nick says he's scared of you?" Marley laughs "Me? No idea." I laugh and roll my eyes, she's clearly up to something. Nicks truck backs into the clearing and Marley swats at me "Go join your man!" I shush her, walking away, "Not my man!" I say through my teeth. Hopefully Nick didn't hear that.

I hop onto the bed of the truck and sit beside Nick. We sit in comfortable silence for a while, just watching the flames dance in the shadows. Nick eventually nudges me with his shoulder, "So.. I've been wondering. What happened with you and Carl?
I blink, "Carl?"

"Cody?" He asks.
I give him a look, "Cody?"
"Kale?" He grins.
I smack him on the arm, "Kale?!"

I put my head in my hands, laughing. "Well Kale and I broke up. I guess I just needed something meatier."

Nick snorts, "That was just bad, Mia."

"Really?" I laugh "I think it was pretty good."

Nick smiles back at me. A real smile, the kind that makes his eyes crinkle. Instinctively I reach up and brush my fingers across his brow. "You don't do that often, I've missed it."

"Do what?" Nick asks softly.

"Smile. The real kind. The one that lights up your eyes, not just your mouth."

His smile fades, and Nick turns his eyes back towards the fire.

Well that didn't go over well. Am I pushing him too hard? One day he pretends he doesn't know me and the next he seems like my Nick again.

There's a million thing I want to say.

What happened to you?

Why do you hide from me?

How could you forget me?
..
Why don't you still love me like I love you?
..
Instead I just say, "Sorry"

Nick looks back up at me, blowing out a breath, "No Mia. Don't be sorry." He holds my gaze for a moment and then changing the subject, says, "Do you remember that time we went camping?"

"The time you collected old toilet paper you found in the woods because you thought it was snow?" I deadpan.

He wipes his hand across his face and chuckles, "It was white and we were Arizona kids. How was I supposed to know?!"

I laugh, eyes widening, "it wasn't cold Nick!"

"Ok fair enough" he laughs. "But I was thinking more about when we took the paddle boat out all day"

"I think we stole that paddle boat actually" I smile. Nick shrugs "We gave it back."

"Well I'm just glad to see your not still faking temporary amnesia" I say. Nick smiles at me. A small smile, not like the real one he gave me a few moments ago. Then he nudges me with his shoulder companionably.

"Why?" I get the courage to ask.
"Why what?"
"Why say you didn't remember? Were you pretending from the beginning?"

He's silent for a long moment and then says "Sometimes it's easier to forget."

Huh. I just can't agree with that.

"Easier to forget? What about us was easy to forget?"

I give him a few moments, but Nick doesn't answer. As I stare at him expectantly, I start to feel angry.

I'm so tired of pretending.

"Why won't you talk about it? Was it meaningless to you?"

Nick starts to shake his head but I continue, voice rising. "It wasn't meaningless to me, Nick. It was everything. Everything! You were my best friend. More than that. My life revolved around you. I can't pretend to not remember that. I wont pretend it was my meaningless, because you were never meaningless to me Nick.
I slide off the trucks tailgate, my heart beating erratically in my chest, and storm away.

I make it to the other side of the truck when my hand is grabbed and Nick tugs me back to himself. I'm about to protest, but the look in his eyes makes me freeze. He brings my hand that he's holding up to his chest, placing it over his heart. Our faces are inches apart, breathing each other's air as I pant from my outburst. Nick holds my gaze and releases a breath. I feel the hot air blow across my face.

He says huskily, "It was never meaningless.. Not even close."

He squeezes his eyes shut. "I spent a long time trying to forget you Mia. I left my whole world behind when we moved. I was a stupid kid in an impossible situation, trying to survive while my dad sank lower into his addictions."

He looks down at our hands, still holding mine tightly against his chest. He lets out a small humorless chuckle, shaking his head. "Remembering you is exactly what would of broken me. So I didn't. Or I pretended hard enough that I thought I didn't. And I was still pretending when I came back." He flicks his eyes back up to mine, serious again.

Slowly he bends his head and puts his forehead against mine, nose to nose. After a moments hesitation, he places the softest kiss on my cheek, barely on the side of my mouth. All I have to do is turn my head just a fraction and he would be kissing me. Just as I get the resolve to do just that, he steps away. Sighing, Nick let's go of my hand, "I'm sorry." He backs away slowly, and with an unreadable expression on his face, he turn around and walks away.

I just stand there, frozen, staring at his retreating form.