Butterflies || Shawn Hunter

Chapter 14: "I Don't Feel Like I Know You Anymore"

I found myself brushing my teeth next to Topanga and Cory at the bathroom sinks, freezing when Shawn came over. He glanced over at me with a small smile before looking away, making my heart squeeze painfully. He remembered that I didn't like people watching me brush my teeth. It was small gestures like that that made it so difficult not to show my hurt feelings like an open book. Hearing rumors about him playing poker with the guys, and going to a place where the women waitresses showed off their cleavage made me feel that I was losing Shawn more and more. I almost felt we were strangers, wondering if our friendship hadn't suffered.

"What's wrong," Shawn asked me when he was the only one in the room with a pool table.

"It's nothing," I shrugged off, my hands still shaking.

"Come on, something is wrong. I've known you too long to not see it," he quietly pressed.

"Stuart came on to me."

"He what?"

"Stuart-"

"I heard what you said," he interrupted, holding his hand up for a moment. "I can't believe he would do that, but I also know you wouldn't lie. You never lied to me."

I faked a smile, since I was currently hiding the truth about my real feelings towards Shawn.

"What happened?" He sat on the couch with me as I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"He came into my dorm to help me with my paper, but then he started making me feel really uncomfortable- Wait! Shawn, where are you going?" He was already taking angry strides up to our professor, gazing up at him with an intense look.

"I heard what you did to Kimberly. She's my best friend. You hurt her, I hurt you," he threatened, me trembling as I worried where this might lead. I couldn't hear their conversation when they stepped outside, but eventually Shawn hit him straight into the room, causing everyone to gasp and stop what they were doing. After a messy trial that ended up working out okay I couldn't help but go up to Shawn.

"You didn't have to defend me like that. What I mean is, we've barely talked lately."

"And I want to change that. I miss you. We were such great friends, and then we broke up and everything changed."

"I miss you too." It hurt so bad that my meaning was probably different.

Weeks later and everyone discovered that Shawn was a secret, talented poet. Even though we vowed to be better friends, our relationship was still strained.

"I can't believe you write such beautiful poetry. You're like Jim Carroll from The Basketball Diaries," I gushed after Mr. Feeny's class.

"Who?" He looked at me cluelessly as I bit my lower lip in a smile.

"He's this guy that was a drug addict, but he wrote poetry and published books. Leonardo DiCaprio was in a movie about his life. You know, that one we watched together that time."

"Oh yeah," he recalled, nodding a tiny bit. "That was a pretty good movie."

"You should consider sharing your poetry. I plan on sharing mine at the reading."

"You write poetry?"

"Of course I do, Shawn. I used to show you some of my poems."

"Oh yeah, I don't know why I keep forgetting things. It's crazy." He vaguely laughed before leaving, but he had been acting kind of strange.

"Shawn, is that you," I checked when I heard a familiar pair of footsteps in the bathroom. I was in the shower, washing my hair with shampoo.

"Yeah, do you need something?"

"Just wondered if you were going to the poetry reading tonight," I asked, peeking my head past the curtain.

He stared at me before regaining his composure, nodding his head. "Yeah, I'm going, but I don't plan on reading anything."

"That's okay. Save me a seat, okay?"

"Okay," he answered in a daze, both of us joined at the hip at the main event.

He was furious when he wasn't able to read his poem aloud and Cory did instead. I agreed that his friend had gone too far, but my heart stopped when I heard them fighting, and Shawn revealed the love poem was about me.

"If you felt that way about me, then why didn't you tell me," I demanded, feeling my frustrations pour out after Cory stepped aside.

"Look, I wrote that poem a long time ago before we broke up, so we shouldn't have a problem."

"Yeah, we don't have a problem," I sarcastically said, making him knit his eyebrows together in confusion before I stormed off.

I felt like I was going to die when Shawn and I were both invited to spend Christmas at Cory's house, unable to even look at him as we stood unhappily in the living room. I even refused his help when we went ice skating, the memories too strong of our first Christmas spent together as a couple. Cory was relentless on getting us back together though, and he got us under the mistletoe as they lit the tree in the dark room. My eyes were transfixed on the multi-colored lights, turning to Shawn as I bit my lower lip.

"What does Cory think, that we're just going to get back together, because it's Christmas and the tree is pretty," he sarcastically asked.

"It is really pretty," I breathed, melting when he leaned in, his lips pressing against mine. Silence followed us afterwards, us lingering in the living room after everyone else went to bed. The tree was glowing behind the couch as I lied beneath my covers, getting flashbacks as Shawn sat in a chair beside me. "How did we become like this? How did everything change when that was the last thing I wanted?"

"Hey, you were the one that said we should break up," Shawn defended.

"And you didn't disagree with me. Did our kiss mean anything to you tonight?"

"Of course it did, but we can't do this. Just because we have feelings for each other doesn't mean we should be together."

"But we're Kimberly and Shawn, or have you forgotten that?" I looked over at him past my pillow, tears swimming in my eyes. "I still wear your ring. I just hide it when you're around." I showed him the cheap emerald stone.

"You still have that thing?"

"Of course I do, Shawn. That Christmas might not have been filled with a bright tree, but it was more magical than this one. We played with your slinky together and cuddled on your bed, and..."

"Don't do that," he softly said.

"Do what?"

"Cry. I can tell that you're about to. You always twitch your nose a little and your eyes get all watery."

"See? We know each other inside and out. Why aren't we together anymore? I still love you."

"I love you too, and that's what scares me. I can't just give in to those feelings."

"That's bull! You did before!"

He stared at me from my out of character outburst, but I was beyond frustrated.

"I don't feel like I know you anymore, Shawn Hunter. Maybe you're right, maybe it's better that we're not together. Now leave so I can get some sleep." I placed my ring on the coffee table for safe keeping before turning over to face the back of the couch. When I woke the following morning, my shoulders sagged at the sight before me. Shawn had zonked out in the chair, my ring on his pinkie finger. I hated him for being so indecisive and confusing.

A/N: Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please remember to comment, vote, and follow. Thank you so much! <3