Butterflies || Shawn Hunter

Chapter 15: "You're the Mess That I Wanted"

It was more awkward than I imagined when Shawn and I joined Cory and Topanga for dinner. I faked a smile over at Shawn as he did the same. Eventually it was time for the karaoke competition, and we ended up getting pushed up there. My hands were shaking as I gripped my mic, Shawn staring over at me as the tune of "I Got You Babe," sounded. I was speechless when it was his turn, having no idea he was that talented. I almost couldn't keep singing, but I guess I didn't need to.

"I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry," he quietly told me as the melody kept flowing through the speakers. He speed walked off the stage as I jogged to catch up with him. We ended up outside in the growing night, him avoiding my line of sight.

"I didn't know you were such a talented singer. With your poetry you're a double threat." I forced a smile, but he merely shook his head in response. I rocked forward on my heels as I hoped he would open up more.

"What are you doing," he quietly asked.

"What do you mean," I slowly asked.

"You said that you don't know me anymore, so why are you even bothering to talk to me?"

"I was just mad at you, Shawn. Yeah, it's true you've changed, but that doesn't mean we have to stop being friends. I was just hurt that we couldn't be a couple again." I hated how silence settled between, messing with the ring on my finger. "I saw you in the chair beside me at Christmas. You didn't have to sleep in the living room with me."

"I just fell asleep," he shrugged, stepping off to the side.

"Then why did you have my ring on? You obviously were looking at it."

"Why do you have to keep pressing this? I told you we couldn't go out anymore. You're getting as bad as Cory and Topanga," he claimed, holding his hands up in surrender with his eyebrows raised.

"Because you don't seem capable of expressing your feelings anymore. You tell me you love me, and then not why it can't work."

"I don't want to hear this." He shook his head before starting to leave.

"And I don't want to have this conversation, but what am I supposed to do? I don't think I'll ever get over you, Shawn, and I'm tired of pretending."

He pressed his lips together before facing me. "Well, I'm tired of pretending too. Of pretending that I'm good enough for you or anyone. Maybe I'm not capable of loving someone. Obviously something's wrong with me."

"Then why am I standing here, almost begging you to give us another chance?"

"Because you don't know when to stop. None of you do." He finally left that time, me hugging myself as I accepted my sadness.

A few days later and somehow Cory and Topanga convinced us to play the Fiancee Game with them. It would have been funny that Shawn and I were winning, if it didn't make me feel worse. He literally knew me inside and out, and me the same for him.

"What is your fiancee's favorite fish," questioned Mr. Feeny, since we convinced him to read the cards.

"I have to go with clown fish," Shawn answered.

"That is correct, Mr. Hunter."

We were interrupted by seeing Shawn's dad playing pool with some of the college kids. He was back in town to visit his sons, so he left for Jack's apartment with Shawn in tow. I felt happy that his father was back around, softly humming to myself as I worked on schoolwork in my dorm with Topanga. That's when we got the news that Shawn's dad had a heart attack, and that he was in the hospital. I had to restrain myself from running the minute I saw Shawn zonked out in one of the chairs in the waiting room. Cory and Topanga woke him up to check on him, while I visited his dad.