Dear Rin (Diary),
I had my court hearing today. This will be the last time I write in the scruffy blue book. I never thought they'd actually give this to me, but of course, they would since Rin had no one else but me. I wish I could have done something to help her and I wish I could have fixed the pain that she was feeling. I read through the diary again last night, my fingers trailing over her clumsy handwriting.
It's been a month since she died in my arms.
I haven't slept since that night, no one has spoken to me. I have no one and I have no one but myself to blame. I found out that Rin had also murdered Celina out of spite, they found that out when they did the autopsy. She changed herself in every single way to make someone love her. To make me love her. I never told her how much she meant to me, I never told her how much I cared about her and how I would have killed anyone who would have brought harm to her.
I supposed I'm fulfilling one of those silent promises.
I got given the death sentence for my crimes. Even if I had the richest lawyer, nothing was winning against the Adams Co. legal team. And so, as I sit on my bed in my tiny jail cell, there is fabric hanging from the ceiling blowing in the wind. I don't want them to hold control over when I die. Either way, does it really matter? I'll get to see her again. Her beautiful face, her curly blue mullet. Fuck, I'd do anything to be back at the bar pouring her another drink. But it's okay. That's all I keep telling myself.
At first, I wanted to use her, I only wanted to pretend to be friends with her for the sake of getting a good deal for the money to get me a new apartment. But as I grew to knew her, as I grew to love her I slowly realised how much of a mistake I was making. I'd be in debt for a lifetime, I'd go through hell and back to be able to hold her in my arms. I lost my home when she died. She made anywhere feel like home, she had this ability and I took that for granted. Rin, if you're reading this from somewhere in the universe, I hope you have all the strawberry juice your pretty, pretty soul desires and trust me, if I see you again, that's the first thing I'll give you.
I'm so fucking sorry, darlin'.
And if you can read this, if you're looming over my shoulder while I'm writing this, do me a favour and close your eyes. I had to see you go, you shouldn't have to see me. I'm sorry for all that I have done but you should know that I am not sorry for what I'm about to do. I do thank the Lord for there being a photo of her in this diary. I will tell you what, there is no better distraction than a pretty, pretty girl.
- Rudy.
