Counting Paths

Chapter 15.

Sterling

There's a look of relief and bliss on Roland's face as he steps through the doors. He's even fighting a smile. I can breathe again.

I jump up from my spot on the floor and rush over to him. "You're okay!" I shriek, hugging him.

He pats the top of my head. "You worry too much."

"Not true!" I pull away from him. "I'm hungry. Can we get Big Macs?"

"Are you done with the pool?"

"Uh..." I glance back at the large tub of water, then face Roland again and shrug. "I guess."

"Then shower, and we can go out for the day."

"Okay! And you'll tell me about Luna later, right?"

His "smile" falters. "I'm not sure how you feel about Luna, but she wants to come and visit us. She wants to see how I am with you. I can't explain right now why this is so important to me, but I will...soon, I promise, I just need this one thing from you."

Wow...I've never seen this side of him. Desperate. I didn't even know he was capable of it. This must be truly important for him. "You don't have to ask," I assure him. "But, um...what does this mean now? Will she be hanging around like a case worker or hanging out with us? And what will this mean for you? I don't want her to hurt you."

He's quiet for a long moment. "I don't think she wants to hurt me," he says with causation.

"You didn't want to hurt me."

He leans down so we're at the same eye level. "You hurt me too," he tells me, staring into my soul. I flinch. "You didn't want to and I didn't know at the time, but, yeah, you hurt me. The time I took you to the hospital, you said you didn't know if you wanted to get help, and that scared me. You were so careless about it too, it hurt me. And the time you left to Kevin's. It hurt. You didn't mean to, and honestly, you only did those things because I fucked up and said cruel things to you, but...it all hurts. Getting hurt is just part of the package of caring about someone. I hurt you too, and I'll never forget it."

His...his tattoo steals my attention. It shouldn't, but my gaze cuts to the broken clock on his hand and focuses on it like my life depends on it. "You're right...and I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize."

I grab his hand with the broken clock. "Why?"

"Okay," he sighs, straightening his back. "I think it's time I tell you everything, huh?"

#   #   #

I'm almost twenty pages into my book and Roland still hasn't come downstairs yet. Twenty pages is a lot for a thirteen-year-old girl with dyslexia. Plus, my fifteen minutes shower. He should be done by now. I'm painfully aware that I'm being impatient right now, but he promised he would tell me everything.

Kevin and Russell are seated on the couch watching The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air. Well, Russell is, Kevin's on his phone with a deep creased shaping his furrow. I want to ask him what's wrong, but every time I look over at him, he glances my way, our eyes lock, and I get scared and look away.

I put my book down and stare out the window.

"Sterling?" Kevin's voice startles me, and I flinch slightly.

"Yeah?" I turn and look at him.

His eyes narrow and he looks at me like it's the first time. "I've never heard a name like Sterling before."

I gulp. "Th-th-thanks."

Roland enters the kitchen and almost smiles when he sees me. "We'll be back," he tells the others. "Want anything from McDonald's?"