Counting Paths

Chapter 36.

A few days later...August 24th...
"I look stupid," I mutter as Luna fixes my tie.

"You look fine. Don't forget, this is Russell's funeral too."

"Please don't use that word," I whisper.

Frank did some research and found out that Russell has grandparents in Alaska. Russell B. and Fiona. Frank contacted them, talked to them for a while on the phone, and they agreed to come down and attend the ceremony. Frank bought them first-class tickets for the next flight to us. They're here now and have been staying with him.

Russell looked so much like his grandfather. It's crazy considering he was named after him.

"She wouldn't want any of us to dress like this." I gesture to Luna's black dress, then to Lisi in his coal-color black suit that matches mine, who is sitting on the floor playing with Moose. "She would've wanted us to celebrate this day. They both would've wanted that."

"I know, I know." She pecks my lips gently. "But we're not the only ones going, and everyone deals with death differently."

I force myself to nod. When she's done fixing me up, I pick up Lisi. We grab our things and leave the house.

#   #   #

I bury my bare feet into the sand, wiggling my toes as I watch Russell B. and Fiona, Russell's grandparents approach the edge of the water, Frank not far behind them. It's been so long since I've seen the ocean...the sight of it almost brings tears to my eyes for the simple fact that it's because Russell is dead.

Kevin is on my right, wearing a suit similar to mine, Luna is on my left, and Lisi is still in my arms, his head on my shoulder.

"What are they doing?" Lisi wonders.

"They're putting Russell's ashes in the ocean," I explain.

"Why?"

"Uh..." I glance at Luna, but before she can say anything, Kevin clears his throat and says, "the sea is beautiful, right?"

Lisi lifts his head and looks at him. "Yeah. Sharks live there. I like sharks. I like hammerhead sharks."

"They're putting Russell's ashes in the ocean so he can be part of that beauty. Russell will be part of the ocean."

Lisi looks at me. "Did I know Russell?"

I shake my head. "You didn't get the chance to meet him."

He frowns. "But Sterling did?"

I nod. "Russell...he died trying to save her."

"You were there?"

I nod again, flashes of that horrible day pounding through my head. I take a deep, shaky breath and remind myself that he didn't die alone. He was scared of being alone but he wasn't, I was there. Bright side.

Lisi places his head on my shoulder again. I turn and mouth, thank you, to Kevin. He nods and pats my back.

Frank, Russell B., and Fiona turn away from the water. Fiona's crying heavily and Frank has an arm around her shoulders, trying to comfort her.

Luna takes Lisi from me, offering me a supporting smile and a kiss on the cheek, then I turn and face Kevin. He hands me Sterling's ashes with quiver hands. "You know..." he says in a strained voice before I can walk away. "That night of the accident, the car accident, she called out for you. It was right after the impact...I think she hit her head and she was dizzy, but she said your name. I think she thought you were there. I think she was calling out for you to make sure you were okay."

It sounds like her, never hesitating to put others before herself even at her lowest moments.

I nod. "Thank you."

I walk away from them and approach the water.

It's a warm August day. The bottom of the sun is just touching the horizon, allowing one side of the sky to look like it's on fire. The darkening waves grow larger as the tide reels them in. They lap against the shore, spraying salty water everywhere, including on my face. The waves crash and the aftermath hits my feet. I sink into the wet sand and smile.

"Okay," I breathe, untwisting the lid of the urn. I peer inside it. "A few days ago you visited me in a dream...or whatever the hell that was because it felt nothing like a dream...anyway, I hope this is okay, spreading your ashes in the ocean, I mean. You did say what I was going to do for Russell was nice and you wanted me to forget about your wishes in your death note-" I wince. I force myself through the emotional pain. "I'm still going to plate a tree and I'll take care of it the same way I should've..." No. "I'll take care of it the same way I took care of you. I did that. I took care of you and, in the end, you were happy."

I step farther into the water, wetting the ends of my pants, and turn the urn until Sterling's ashes fly out.

"I love you, Sterling," I say in a breaking voice. "I loved you more than you'll ever know. You were my first 'I love you.'" I chuckle to myself. "Can you believe that? I had never said it to someone before you."

Her ashes are gone and I pull the urn to my chest, hugging it.

"How you continue on this earth is up to me. I'll smile when I think of you and you will live on in my heart. Tomorrow I'm going to celebrate your birth, I won't shed a tear. I promise."

I walk back and join my family.

Hey, Planets...I'm a sucker for sad endings! They're realistic and I feel like sometimes you just have to cry, it's healthy. I hope everyone enjoyed my story and will stay for the next. Thank you and be safe!