Counting Paths

Chapter 22.

The next morning...
The light pressure of fingertips brushing across the side of my face is enough to wake me. I groan, slipping out of the foggy stage of sleep. I open my eyes and see Luna standing over me. "Hey," I smile.

I think she smiles back. "You...sleep with Sterling in the same bed?"

Sterling? I bring myself up to my elbows and glance over to the other side of the bed only to see it's empty. "Where is she?" I look back up at Luna.

"I drew her a bath."

"Oh." I turn on my back and sit up.

"So, Sterling sleeps in your room a lot?"

"She, um, she-" I rub the sleep out of my eye "-has night terrors. I guess she feels safer when she's with me. I don't mind, and my bed is big enough to fit four so it's not like she bothers me."

"Would it have mattered?"

"No."

"Roland..." She sits on the bed and stares at me with wild, almost desperate eyes. "I don't understand...how could...? Where did you find her?"

I open my mouth...nothing comes out. I shut it and chuckle nervously. "Is that what you truly want to ask me?"

She frowns. She gets this look of sadness that looks like it's ready to consume her. "I see the way you are with Sterling, how much she looks up to you and how safe she feels with you, and I keep thinking if I had just said yes the first time you asked to see our son, he would know what it's like to have a dad. How-" She shudders, then takes a few deep breaths to collect herself. "I owe an apology. I owe our son an apology. How could you ever forgive me?"

I smile. She said our son. She's never said that before. I lean forward and press my lips to hers. A simple kiss, enough to keep me restrained, then I pull away. "I forgive you."

"Why?" She whispers.

"Because we can't get back those first few years, no matter how much either of us wants to, we can't, but as long as you let me in, and I can meet my son, then I forgive you."

Her eyes well with tears. "Roland-"

"And Luna, I didn't get to answer you before, but, um...I want to talk to you. I want to talk to you for hours and fucking hours to make up for all the time we lost, but you always push me away. I want to look at you more, you've aged so beautifully, but you barely answer the phone, how the hell am I going to get a date with you? I want to kiss you and a lot more because the few times we had sex, it was fucking incredible, and after every time, you looked at me like you were in love. I'm not blaming you, honestly, you shouldn't blame yourself either because I was a piece of shit that didn't deserve you. I still am-"

She abruptly leans forward and kisses me. Caught off guard, I freeze for a moment-maybe a moment too long, and she begins to pull away as fast as she came in, but I grab her and draw her to me again. She devours me with her mouth, she's the first time she's ever started a kiss like this. I grab her by her waist and hoist her onto my lap. She doesn't complain or show any hesitation. She encourages straddling my waist and presses herself against me.

It's not until I begin to grasp at her shirt when she pulls away. But she makes no attempts to climb off me.

"We shouldn't even be kissing," she says breathlessly.

I lean against the headboard. "Why?"

"I'm seeing someone and it's been so long."

"Are you really seeing our son's doctor?"

"He's been...more than just a doctor-"

"Every time you see this guy, you're emotional. He's using that to his advantage."