- What if 𝘈lexandria can
never love another again?
ᵐᵃʳᶜᵘˢ ᵇᵃᵏᵉʳ
𝘈lexandria 𝘋iaz always had an undeniable love for Marcus Baker. It was well known between the friends that they loved one another, but what happ...
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!!!!! tw: panic attack !!!!!
ALEXANDRIA DIAZ EXPERIENCED pain early in life. That pain would root into her creating trust issues that would be everlasting. Sometimes the pain she held deep in her heart made her squirm. The things she had seen. The things she had heard. The view of her parents overdosing. Those types of things were burned into your brain.
The girl had tried to remember the good things. The things that made her heart erupt with complete and utter happiness just at the memory. She often looks back at times with Marcus. He always made her happy.
Darkness often loomed over her brain like a storm cloud. It was a heavy thought. That cloud was the weight that rested upon her shoulders, it was every intrusive thought, it was her nightmares, every time she closed her eyes the darkness hovered.
Alexandria hated herself. She hated how she looked in the mirror, she hated the way she sounded, she hated the way she acted, there were tons of things if she really sat down and focused. These things she kept on the down low, buried down in her mind until she was alone.
She laid sprawled out on her bed, staring at the plain old, boring ceiling. Her eyes glazed over the old glow in the dark stars she never bothered to collect. She counted them to avoid the dark thoughts that roamed her brain. Her face was set into a frown, its natural state, unfortunately.
The girl hadn't even heard the front door of her home open and close. Her abuela ushered Marcus up the stairs when she noticed his tear stained cheeks. She heard the sound of someone running up the stairs. Her depressed daze came to a halt when Marcus whipped open the bedroom door.
Alexandria was relieved when Marcus' eyes met hers until she noticed the tearful look in them. The girl sat up, brushing her stupid problems aside to comfort him.
"What happened?" Alexandria quizzed worriedly as she stood up. Marcus didn't answer. Instead, he hoisted his arms around her waist and reeled her in close, squeezing Alexandria for comfort, for her to ground him. "Marcus?"
"I'm sorry." He mumbled, his voice raw and hoarse. Alexandria furrowed her eyebrows at the frantic tone he held. She pulled away to get a good look at the boy's face. His eyes were full with tears and his face had been red.
"There's nothing to be sorry for." Alexandria assured him as he desperately clung onto her, like she'd float away, leaving him for the worst.
"I broke it off with Padma. And Ginny." Marcus informed her and she nodded understanding what he was feeling, although she would've figured he would've been less heartbroken than this when doing so.
"Is that why you're upset?" Alexandria inquired, kind of confused what all of this was about. Maybe it was a panic attack? She led him over to her bed and rubbed small circles on his back. "Marcus, we can talk after let's just calm you down, 'kay?"
Marcus nodded as his chest moved quickly, up and down, up and down. This was definitely a panic attack. Alexandria gripped his hand with her free hand, continuing to rub tight circles on his back. His chest felt insanely tight.
"I finished Stranger Things." Alexandria informed him trying to take his mind off of whatever was bothering him, he nodded and closed his eyes. "El is a fucking G, by the way."
Marcus halfheartedly smiled at her. His lips curved up, but it looked like he was more in pain than giving her a friendly smile. Alexandria wondered what triggered him like this. Such good people had the worst of problems.
"You'll be okay, M." Alexandria cooed causing Marcus to calm down more and more as she kept comforting him. Since he had calmed down a little more, she peppered kisses on his cheek. He had held his eyes closed the whole time. "I've got you."
Marcus leaned into her and her gentle voice. The pair never knew one another like this. All they have known was playful banter and subtle flirting, not actually sharing a complex emotional connection. It was scary letting Alexandria in like this. This meant something to him.
"I don't want you to leave me." Marcus mumbled and Alexandria rested her head on his shoulder as his eyes peeled open. She gripped both of her hands onto his. He looked over to her with tired eyes.
"Never, Marcus." She replied.
Alexandria decided to let go of his hands and close her bedroom door. She ushered him to lay down and after some pleading, he did. The girl crawled over to her side of the bed, the right and faced Marcus. They lay only a few inches apart, faces close, but neither dared to disturb the peace with kisses.
The two stared at one another with admiration. Marcus didn't just see Alexandria, his annoying girl best friend that he got high with and acted dumb with. She was more than the little girl he played legos with, or colored with. Alexandria had grown to be a nurturing, loving, yet troubled girl.
Marcus had never had so much love for one girl before. The corners of his mouth formed into a smile, this time a truly happy one. His hand reached out to Alexandria and he ran his thumb over her warm, soft cheek.
Alexandria knew once his thumb had stopped moving, he had dozed off. Marcus snored softly. He was always a peaceful sleeper. His sleeping face always took her back to when they were kids and Alex would sleepover. Sometimes she'd wake up first and just look over to find him so happy and serene. Recently, that was the only time he looked happy to be alive.
Marcus worried about Alexandria, sure. None of his worrying could compare to the worrying Alex had done for the boy. She genuinely feared if the boy even wanted to— live. Her soul hurt because without Marcus, there was no Alexandria. Beside her abuela, Marcus was all she had. Little did the pair know, they had the same fear.
