LOVE UNTOLD an Arrange Marriage [ Hyunjin x reader ]

Chapter 19

Y/n's pov:

once I went inside our room, I laugh for a moment and it slowly turn into cry. My tears are falling, I don't know if it's because of alcohol or what happened between me and Hyunjin earlier, or maybe both. 

I can't fool myself anymore, I must confront myself with this feeling. I don't know how! I don't know when, I just don't know why I finally let myself fall inlove with him. I'm being careful since the beginning right? when did I lowered my ground for him? 

I walk on the balcony and sit there where Hyunjin usually hangs out, and I just stare at the moonlight without knowing when will my tears are going to stop from falling. 

yes, I failed..I failed protecting and putting a barrier inside me, I just literally break the barrier between our bed too. I wasn't meant to fall for him, I'm should still control my feelings but why myself didn't cooperate? 

I try to punch my chest lightly because I'm mad at myself for being so weak. 

"I thought you're strong y/n? what happened? look at you now!" I shouted at myself, people will not hear me they're all in the party. 

"is it hard for you? this is only your problem and you literally failed to control it? what the heck y/n!" I forcefully wipe away my tears 

"are you so stupid? you already notice, you're not blind! you know! you knew! that Hyunjin is not interested in you not a single ounce! he literally has an eye for Kim..stop being dumb!" do you know the feeling of you already knew to yourself that you don't have any chance to a guy but maybe because of his mix signals you didn't notice that you're falling from his trap and you don't have any choice but to get out even you don't want.

I close my eyes while looking at the the night sky feeling the breeze passing by. I kept on seeing his eyes and I.N I've been haunting by own memories, I wanted to forget that but how can I if I felt like I'm in the same situation again. I can't keep telling myself that this is okay,that I'm okay. I'm really not, this is the time all that happened is sinking in inside of me and I cannot  escape it. Once you fall there's no way out just only you need to take the path of accepting it and try to move forward. 

I never thought I will feel this kind of pain again, so this is how it feels now? what a new feeling again for me. I've been feeling a lot of pain ever since I just couldn't get myself to understand it not until now. I couldn't run once again to someone and you know it's hard when you've been keeping everything to yourself because there's no other choice.

I just let myself dive deeper in my thoughts while still closing my eyes and tears are still falling.

--

No one's pov:

it's already 6am and y/n fell asleep at the balcony while her head is resting on the table. Hyunjin on the other hand decided to go inside their room for the first time again after the incident, the party ended at 3am and all of them fell asleep. 

Hyunjin couldn't sleep that time, he's been weirded out to himself because he doesn't understand what is happening inside him, it's been weeks already.

Once he opened the door he didn't see y/n on the bed sleeping, a sudden rush was felt inside his body and he check the other parts of their room to see where y/n is. 

"y/n" he whisper to himself when he saw y/n at the balcony sleeping. He clench his jaw when he tried to fix your hair because he notice a little piece of paper written the name of Minho will little message . 

But he suddenly pause when he saw how red and tired your eyes are and from that he understand what happened to you after both of you finished talking.

Despite of that he didn't bother to wake you up, put blanket on you or carry you on the bed, he just stare at you for about a minute and went out of the room. 

-- 

"hey Hyunjin and Kim! princess y/n is requesting your presence at the meeting room" Luna said to them, it's been another many many days right now since the party happened. 

"what does she want?" Hyunjin ask while raising one of his eyebrow

"she seems serious and wanted to talk to you both" Luna just said

"Don't worry Hyunjin, we need to do this first" Kim reach for his hand and slowly caress it and she smile at him.

They both get up and headed to the meeting room without Luna. When they open the room it's only y/n inside who's been waiting for the both of you. y/n slowly look at the both of them with a plain look in her eyes.

"you can take your sit"- y/n

"what do you want?" - Hyunjin ask, y/n take a deep breath and collecting her thoughts for a minute, and look to the both of them then she stand up

"I want to formally apologize about what happened many days ago about the necklace" y/n bow her head and she sit on the chair again.

"it's not my intention to cause trouble to the both of you, especially Kim. I'm sorry for being reckless about my action, I'm aware now in my own fault and I want to make it right" y/n explain while looking at them 

Kim feels like she wanted to laugh and at the same time be sad because of what y/n's been doing. She just look at Hyunjin to do the same response.

"and?" Hyunjin look at y/n plain dead in his eyes 

"I want to--" y/n bit her lower lip 

"I want you to get back in our room, I don't want us to be faraway to one another, we're married right?" you smiled while your eyes is full of sadness and desperation. 

"that's right! don't fight because of me, I forgave you y/n! you're a great person and let's be cool already" Kim blurted out with hesitation on her voice because she don't want them to be together but she can't do that right now. 

"okay if that's what you want" Hyunjin finally stand up and take a final look to you then they just vanish once again. 

you place your hand on your lap and shake your head, you finally did it after how many times you think about what you needed to do. You try to fix everything inside of you, confront yourself and remember your purpose in this marriage again. You can't do another disappointment again.

I just want to be with Hyunjin again 

you thought to yourself, you didn't control or stop yourself from falling because you already did in the first place, and you said to yourself that you're going to try once again, Hyunjin cannot be with someone right now because he's married, you just need to make everything work and be a wife to him this time. 

this is you again, whenever you're falling to someone, you can't wrap your head peacefully and just move on, that's not how yourself works. You know you got to do this direction so you will know at the end of the day what to do.