On the Outskirts

Two

~Sadie~

"You have no idea how good it is to have you back in town Sades." Brynn grinned from ear to ear. "You literally missed nothing." 

"Yes, but apparently we missed everything." Erin bumped her hip into mine. "Who's the guy?" 

"What guy?" I almost laughed at the question. I knew exactly what these 4 were pushing for. 6 months I'd managed to keep mine and Hallie's past out of earshot of anyone other than my dad and even then, he didn't know much. It didn't matter. It was all in the past and I wasn't dragging it here with me. 

"Hallie's dad. Where is he?" 

"Ooh! Is he in the forces? Away on deployment and he's gonna come back all muscle and eye candy?" 

"No, he's gotta be something more than that. Sade wouldn't stick with someone away this long unless it was something major." 

"And she's been so major quiet about it- oh my gosh, is he like FBI or something?" I choked on my drink at the thought of Jay being anything important. Not that I'd have a clue if he was or not the guy jumped shift almost 10 years ago. 

"Well?" 

"Well what?" The girls stared at me as I tried to chase my coughing away with another swig of beer. "You guys aren't gonna stop until you know are you?" 

"Nope." Brynn popped the 'P' innocently. "It's my birthday. I want this as my gift." 

"I literally gave you the hat you're wearing." She looked up at the pastel pink cowboy hat on her head. 

"My other gift."

"Fine, but I'm telling you, it's not a story worth all the drama for." I leaned my back against the bar, tapping the bottle neck and taking a gulp before answering. "We met like my first week at college, went on a handful of dates, did- the deed once or twice and one of them landed me with Hallie. 9 months of us bickering about it but he sticks with me, we pick out like 10 names to choose from, start planning how we're gonna make it work between school and bringing in money and everything. Hallie was supposed to be this accidental miracle and we were going to have this dream life and we'd be great parents. Then at the hospital, he was there and the next minute he was gone. I had a really hard birth, nearly lost Hallie and somewhere in the chaos, he just dipped. Left a text saying he didn't want it. Haven't seen him since." The girls stared at me. Jaws slack, eyes wide, completely frozen in time. "So, that's the story of Jay and Sadie and how we got Hallie." 

"So wait." Erin tugged on my shoulder. "You've been across the country for 9 years, raising a baby, doing college, working. With no one?" I pressed my lips together, raising my brows before downing the half bottle of beer in my hand. "Shit Sadie. We didn't-" 

"I mean we didn't even know Hallie-" 

"Why didn't you come home?" I sighed, tipping my head back on my shoulders for a second before looking back to my friends. 

"Because I really wanted to finish college. Because part of me thought Jay just needed some time to get used to the idea. Because I knew coming home with a baby when I was supposed to be at college would cause problems for everyone who knew me. I mean can you imagine if the old crones around here found out? Dad's told everyone that Hallie's dad died and that's why we came home. It sucks but I mean, you guys would be pushed out of everything as much as me and her and my dad would have been." Erin rubbed her hand up and down my arm. "I was supposed to be the one who got out and got the degree and you know, took on the world and now I'm the one with a kid, unmarried, working for her dad because she literally has no experience outside of crying silently in the bathtub with a baby monitor on the edge." 

"Does Hal-" I shook my head. 

"The question hasn't come up. Somehow. I don't know how I've avoided it this long but I have and I know eventually it's going to come and I have no idea- no idea how I'm going to answer that when she does. Part of me wants to be honest with her incase he does ever show up but the other half wants me to save it from her, you know?" 

"Yeah, giving her daddy issues is probably something you'd want to avoid." Brynn motions to the bar tender behind us, waiting until 4 more bottles are shared between us to lighten the conversation. "So. What I'm hearing from that long ass story is that you have been celibate for the better part of 9 years." 

"Oh great, this is where this conversation's going." The girls started throwing names around about who they could set me up with but I had sworn off men years ago. I'd tried dating a few years back. When Hallie started daycare a few times a week. The few guys I'd been out with never hung around long after they got what they wanted and now Hallie was older, I didn't want to risk being as upset as I was when I swore off dating again. I pride myself on having a home that is filled with warmth and positivity. A home where my daughter believes the world is amazing and she's happy. The last thing I want for her is to see her mother crying over her minimal self confidence being shattered for the millionth time. 

"Wait. Isn't Ryder back?" The girls gasped, looking between each other and back to me. 

"What'd I miss?" They exchanged another look and I swear, these 3 learned to communicate telepathically since I left for college. 

"Ryder." I blinked. "Oh come on Sadie. Ryder. Ryder Matthews." 

"Oh." My eyes dropped to the bottle in my hand. The one factor I didn't think about until right now. The fact that Ryder Matthews, for some stupid fucking reason, might have landed his feet back in Alcombey instead of being literally anywhere else in the world like he planned. I shoved the pain and questions back down into the box in my chest. Where it would be firmly staying. "Anyway-" 

"Oh no. We're not changing topics that quickly." 

"Change the topic or I go home." The girls rolled their eye in unison before raising their eyebrows at me. I fought it. Stared right back at Brynn. I wouldn't let them do this. I'm gonna hold my ground. Hold your ground. 

"He only got back a few days ago. Been gone a year or two, travelling the world." 

"That's nice. Look girls, me and Ryder. It's not gonna happen. I don't intend on running into him and if I did, we ended on good terms. I haven't spoken to him since the break up, don't intend on speaking to him either. And I definitely, and I mean this in the most to the point way I can possibly manage, do not want him to know about Hallie, about Jay, or to know why I'm back in town. Got it?" They all smirked. "What are you smirking at?" 

"Nothing." I glared at Brynn who chuckled, tossing an arm over my shoulder. "Come on hot stuff. You need more booze in your blood if I'm getting you on that bull tonight." 

"Not a chance in hel-" 

"My birthday. What I say goes." 

"You know you can't use that after midnight right?" 

"Better get drinking then, I've got a lot to fit in. 9 year of drunken stories to be exact."