On the Outskirts

Eleven

~Sadie~

"Wait. Hold on. I'm confused. You literally rode him?" I rolled my eyes, leaning over to grab some more paper plates into the cart. I'd asked Brynn to come with me in the hopes of it being a distraction but in the 40 minutes since I picked her up, she spent 20 rambling on about me being AWOL for the past week or so and then demanded I tell her everything that's happened every day since. I wasn't even away, I've just been busy trying to work and Hallie caught a bug literally the day after the whole Storm thing, so I was home cleaning up vomit for a solid 4 days. It's been a long week. 

"I didn't ride him." 

"Sorry. You were sat on his lap whilst he rode a horse. Sounds like you rode him to me." God I'm so glad I drove us out to Cressbury and that not a damn soul has any clue out here who I am. 

"What else was I supposed to do?-" 

"Take your pants off and save the damn horse." Brynn looked all too smug, leaning over the handle of the cart. "You both need to just get over it and fuck already." 

"Brynn!" 

"What? I'm being honest!" She stood up, following as I pulled the cart around the store, grabbing everything I needed to make Hallie's birthday this weekend as great as she wants it to be. She's been at the dance camp for all of 3 weeks and I am pleasantly surprised that it's going as well as it is. The other kids have pretty much welcomed her with open arms and she comes home with so many stories and a smile brighter than the sun. "You, in particular need to just- and I mean this in the nicest possible way because I love you - but you need to move on from it all. It's obviously just a misunderstanding, he's apologised, you're both fucking miserable and you know for a fact that you two-" 

"Please don't say it." 

"I'm gonna. You two are supposed to be together Sadie. You're like- puzzle pieces. But you're the one piece that just doesn't want to accept that it belongs in that one spot." 

"If you're forcing puzzle pieces into spaces they don't fit, pretty sure you need to be retaught how to put 'em together." 

"You're missing the point." 

"No Brynn, I'm not missing the point. I'm not a puzzle piece. Me and him were a thing. When I was 16 and we were young and I didn't have Hallie needing her mom to be in a stable state of mind." 

"God. You really do use her as an excuse for everything." Brynn shook her head, looking exasperated. "I get it Sade. I get that you want Hallie to be happy and that you seem to think that the only way for her to be that is if you appear as some kinda other worldly human that doesn't need other people and is hyper independent and whatever. You're trying to instill this 'I don't need no man' mentality into her, which is great, go Sadie. I get it. But there's a difference between doing that and not giving yourself a chance to be happy and using that lesson to stop the chances of you getting hurt. You've had a shit run Sade. No one's saying you haven't. No one is prouder of you for getting through it all and not giving up than me. No one. You raising that kid by yourself, alone, hundreds of miles from home, you're literally a superhero. But you're not doing it alone now. You can take a step back and let the village help to raise your kid." 

Brynn and I stood in the middle of the aisle, staring at each other. I know her and my dad have always had a solid relationship. I knew when I left and all the time I was gone that she still saw my dad every now and then and they'd catch up but this was like they were both teaming up. Tag team until they both managed to drill it into my head. 

I was hearing them. I really was and I was trying to take that step back and let Hallie be a normal kid who's life didn't revolve around her mom. I drop her off at camp in a morning and I don't see her until come dinner time when Dad gets her and brings her home. There's been a few days where I've managed to get out on River and I've been gone for hours before coming back to hear everything she did with her Pops. It was just harder than they understood. For 10 years my entire life has been eating, breathing, sleeping for Hallie. It wasn't as easy as just handing over half of the reins to other people. 

"I know you don't want to think this far into the future because she's still only young but eventually Sades, she's gonna start dating. Kids look to their parents when it comes to that shit. What's right and how much they should expect from people, what's healthy and not. Right now, Hallie has no idea what love is supposed to look like other than what she's seeing on TV and in the people around her. She can build friendships right now Sadie, but let's be honest, some of the relationships she sees right now aren't healthy and as much as you want to be this strong, need no one woman, you know it hurts you and you know that's not the life you want for Hallie. But that is all you're teaching her." 

"When did you become all wise old owl?" 

"Whilst you were out being superwoman I was nodding and listening to all the old women's stories whilst I poured them lemonade in the cafe." Brynn tossed her arm over my shoulder, pulling me into her side. "Sometimes it's better to give people a little tough love than tip toe around a problem whilst it grows. I'm not saying go out there and fuck every man in town - though I would not be against it-"  I rolled my eyes, shoving Brynn as I stood up straighter, unable to fight the light smile she was forcing onto my face. "And I'm not saying you have to ride the cowboy either. I'm just saying you guys clearly have something burried there and every time he tries to get it out, you run off before it gets too deep. You need to get back into the Alcombey 'Go with the flow' attitude." 

"I go with the flow." 

"Yeah. You sure do." Brynn nodded quickly. "A stagnant pond waters flow. ANYWAY, we were shopping for our kids birthday. Stop distracting me." 

"Me distracting you?" 

"As always. Wait, why have you picked up these polka dot plates?" 

"Because they're cute?" 

"Cute. You're cute. No. There was literally pink ballet ones." 

"I am not getting her-" 

"Uh, yeah you are."