On the Outskirts

Twenty Three

~Sadie~

Saturday. Usually a day I get to take Hallie out on a ride or watch her do some damn hard yard work and see her light up with pride when she gets it right. Instead of spending it with my bubbly girl, I've been landed with a shell of a girl that doesn't know whether she's coming or going. I answered all the questions she had. What happened? Where has he been? Why is he here now? Did you try to tell him where we were? Did he leave because of me?

Each one hurt but that last one shattered my heart and I cried too many tears into her hair on the living room floor. This was what I didn't want. I never ever wanted her to think any of this was her fault when it was nothing but his. 

"So this is where you dragged my daughter off to without telling me?" I turned around from staring at the miles of fields at the front of the house. At least he'd dressed down today. 

"I waited for 9 years for you to decide if you wanted to get in touch. Didn't even move us both out of that shitty fucking apartment so you knew where we were. Don't you even think about trying to spin not seeing her on me because it will not go the way you want." He stared at me. "Come on." 

"Where are you-" 

"You want contact with your daughter? You're gonna have to know some of the stuff that interests her because she doesn't like strangers she has nothing in common with." 

"She's half me. You know that? I bet there's somethings we hav-" 

"Her interests right now are ballet, horse riding, working on the farm, her Pops and trying to find 4 leaf clovers. Any of them for you?" His jaw clenched. "Thought not. Come on." I turned, heading off down to the very bottom of the yard. Out of the way but I knew people were around. Specifically Ryder and Dad. We stopped outside the stables, Hallie petting one of the guys' dogs in her filthy overalls. "Hey Hal." She lifted her head, standing up slowly. "Wanna say hi?" 

"Hi." 

"Hi Hallie. How are you?"  She looked him up and down slowly. I know I've taught her not to judge a book by it's cover but I can see the cogs turning in her head when she lands on his slip on boat shoes. 

"You're going to loose your shoes." 

"What?" 

"It's muddy. From all the rain. Your shoes slip on and off easy. You're gonna get them stuck in the mud and loose them." 

"I'm sure it's not that bad." 

"They look expensive." 

"They are." She looked at me and then back to her dad. 

"Hm." She gave him a nod and turned to me. "Ryder said I can go for a ride with him." 

"On who?" 

"Biscuit." I nodded slowly. 

"Okay. Rules?" 

"Helmet. Focused. If they buck hold on for dear life." I nodded at her. "Thanks mom." She ran over, giving me a quick side hug before disappearing back into the stable. "RYDER! MOM SAID YES!" 

"Alright then cowgirl, let's get you saddled up." Ryder shot me a calming smile, a little reminder that I've got this. Legally, he doesn't have a right to Hallie. He's not on the birth certificate, I have the text saying he'd never want to be her dad. Not a cent of child support. Nothing. "Wanna come with, Sunflower?" 

"Text me where you're going. I might trek out and catch up with you both." 

"You're just letting him take her?" 

"Yep." 

"On a horse into the middle of nowhere? What if he-" 

"That man is more of a father to her than you've ever been so don't even think about asking if he's gonna hurt her. He wouldn't dare." He narrowed his eyes at me and I carried on walking, pointing out all the important parts to him as we passed, eventually landing at a small seating area by the summer paddocks Dad put in years ago for summer lunches for the team. It was far  enough away from all the smells of the cows and the stables but close enough they could get there and back quickly and not waste their break. "Okay. Let's just get this out there first off. Whatever we decide here, isn't in my best interest. Neither is it in yours. The person who's life get's put first is Hallie's. With that being said, you are not on the birth certificate and you don't have a legal right to her so I make the final decisions. Full stop." 

"I don't think that's fair." 

"What's not fair is me raising your daughter for 10 years without a single penny to pay for anything. You want fair. How about I total up all of the costs I've had with raising her and send you the bill for your half?" He stared at me across the table as if that was a dumb thing to say but it definitely wasn't. "Didn't think so." I told him what I'd told Hallie, asking him if he disagreed with anything I'd told her and when he said it made him look like the bad guy I asked him where I'd lied. He didn't have an answer that was anything other than excuses for his actions and excuses don't change a thing. 

"Okay." Jay wipes his hands over his face. "I'm gonna come stay down here for a month or two, working remotely until we work out what to do with her. But I want to spend time with her. Alone." 

"And you're welcome to if she's okay with that." 

"You're not gonna tell me I can't?" 

"Why would I deprive my daughter of having a dad?" He stared at me. "Wait. Is that what Sarah's told you is gonna happen?" 

"She said you've told half the town I was fucking dead Sadie." 

"I mean technically, that was my dad and honestly if he sees you, you might be." 

"You're joking. Right?" I shrugged. No. I'm really not. 

"Look Jay. You left me for dead in the hospital. My dad had to drop everything and move up to help me for 8 weeks whilst I healed from the C-Section. Then you disappeared off the face of the earth for 10 years. I text, called, sent letters to your place. I drove by every week for 2 months when I was cleared to drive again. After 6 years I gave up trying to find you. 6 years of nothing.  I more than covered my bases. You being dead made more sense than me having to tell my daughter she wasn't good enough for her father before she even took her first breath. If you're gonna stick around, I'll find an excuse about someone lying to me or something, if you decide to run again, I'll tell everyone you're a distant relative of her dads. Problem solved." Jay gave me a resigned sigh. "Okay. You want to take her out?" 

"Yes. I want to get to know her and I can't do that if you and fucking cowboy-" 

"Ryder." 

"Whatever, it doesn't matter." 

"It does when Ryder means the world to her. You wanna get on her good side, I would swear about him or be rude to him either." He rolls his eyes. "When and where?" 

"I don't know Sadie, what does she like to do? I've never met a 10 year old girl before." I sighed. 

"Okay. You can pick her up from school on Monday. There's a soft play and fast food place on the far side of town that she loves. You're gonna take your shoes off and play with her." 

"You want me to cli- Those places are covered in germs." 

"Yeah and so is she. You've got a kid. There's gonna be germs. Get over it or get lost." I could tell Jay was not expecting the conversation to go down like this but this man had pushed me past my limits and we hadn't even started to co-parent yet. "She's allergic to nuts. Severely. She's pretty good at knowing what she can or can't have but sometimes she forgets to check because we have only just started her checking the ingredients on things. If you buy her a snack, check the back, it's usually in bold and then has a note under if it may contain traces. Use your judgement. If it's from a peanut making brand, I'd avoid it. If it's a cake product and doesn't have almonds or anything, she should be okay. She has an EpiPen in her bag if she needs it." 

"That's a lot of information." 

"Yep."

"Okay. Anything else?" 

"Yeah." I nodded. "The second you decide you're done toying with my daughter because she's shiny and new, you pack your shit up and we never see or hear from you again." He narrowed his eyes at me. "People go missing all the time around here. Guns misfire, Cows kick out at people in their pens. Accidents happen. You hurt my girl and it's not just my Dad that will be looking for you with his shot gun. There's more people in this town who love Hallie with their whole heart. Hurt her and I swear to you, you will not live to tell the tale." 

"Was that a threat?" 

"No. It was a promise."