Stolen Love

4*

About two weeks have gone by since I've first got here. It seems like I have fallen in to a marathon of reruns for a tv show.

Everyday it is almost the same thing. We wake up, I shower while he makes breakfast. Usually I get done showering way before he comes back. I always turn the news on which I normally end up regretting. It scares me since everyday they talk less and less about the search. They have no leads, suspects, or witnesses. No hope, it seems. The only thing they do know is that I was taken somewhere between my house and Ryan's.

The last time it showed Ryan was a couple days ago. He looked terrible, but he still talked with an urgency and a confidence that amazes me. He said he'll never stop looking. Even though Ryan won't quit, it scares me that everyone else might.

In some ways, I wish they would all give up, forget me, and move on. Mom is an emotional mess and my brothers and Dad look just as exhausted as Ryan. They look more dead than him now, only because they don't know me as well. If they quit looking, they could stop worrying. Maybe life would be close to normal for them, maybe they would smile again. While I'll still be here, doing who knows what, but as long as they're not in pain anymore, I think that I'll survive.

But I also have the selfish side of me. The side that hopes they'll never quit until I'm found. It's also the side that doesn't care how much pain others go through for me. And most times, that side overpowers the other.

After Chris and I eat breakfast, we watch a few movies. The whole time, I'm trying not to show my anxiety. I have to plan my time out well. I want to be out in about two weeks max. Something occurred to me last night while I was falling asleep:

Chris said that he would see Danny in a month on his wedding day. Even though it doesn't really have anything to do with me, it still makes me anxious and more impatient to get out. I just get a very foreboding feeling whenever I think about it although what could be so bad about a wedding?

Every few days when Chris chooses the movie, I go to the bathroom. It's a simple excuse, but it's very effective and he doesn't suspect a thing. While he is occupied with searching through his vast collection, I go to the workroom where he hides his tools.

I found his flat-head screwdrivers a couple days ago. Now I just need to find the right size that will fit in the key hole and be my ticket to freedom. I think that today is the day I finally find, or at least I hope it is.

Anyways, then we have lunch after our movie time. Then we talk for awhile about nothing really. He usually tries to flatter me in some way, but I'm always resistant to them and give him back a snarky reply. Once he gets his anger back under control, he takes me to the bedroom while he does something I'm not sure of, and honestly, I'm not sure if I really want to know. The less I know about my kidnapper's activities, the better it is for me.

The next time I see him is when we have dinner. Once again, it is full of small conversation and always ends up being very tense by the time dessert comes around. His advances continually get pushed back even farther by me. I'd rather die than give in to his will because then not only will I be lost to my family, but then I will be lost to myself as well.

When we are finished with dinner, we go up to the bedroom. He goes in the bathroom for about an hour while I hang around the room and try to occupy myself with thoughts other than him. I swear he is in the bathroom for longer than me which I don't mind since it gives me more freedom from him.

I normally pretend to read while laying across the love seat so that there is no room for him to sit down even if he tried. While the book sits across my lap and my eyes stare aimlessly at it, I'm actually trying to think up with different scenarios, good and bad, with a solution to any problem that could arise. I've always been the type of person who has to have a plan before I do anything. I feel almost invincible when I do this envision all these situations because I can rewind any mistakes I make to make it better. All of them usually end with Chris knocked out somewhere, or even better, with him behind bars where he belongs.