Stolen Love

11

The next day, I woke up feeling so depressed. It was as if I was missing a part of myself, which I guess I was. I was missing my family and my home, but most of all I was missing the memories we shared because I could feel them slowly slipping away no matter how hard I tried to hold on to them. It's tear jerking waking up one morning and forgetting what the sound of your twin brothers' laugh sounded like, or the look that your younger brother would give you when you teased him looked like.

To make things worse, it turns out today is the most family oriented day of the year. I hadn't realized that it was Thanksgiving at first. The only reason I figured it out was because I noticed that Chris had the news on, and on it everyone was excited about the parade being held in New York.

To be honest, I never really cared for it before. Why would I want to sit in front of the tv watching huge floats when I could be spending time with my family? But now, I wish I could've done some silly things like this with them. I'd have more memories to smile about. More triggers to remember the little things in life.

Last night, I slept terribly. All day after dinner, Chris kept being all lovey to the point where it was sickening. He was being clingy, trying to be romantic in his creepy way where I didn't return the feeling, and I never will again.

What happened between us yesterday was a mistake, one that I have learned from. If I'm ever going to get out of here, I need to stay strong. I need to make sure I never lead him on again.

I was quiet for most of the day after that, staring numbly at the wall while Chris had some movie about time travel in. He had me held against him, but I just sat limply as if I were a doll. I was in such a daze that I can't recall much about it other than that time seemed to disappear, but it didn't stop.

Then later as I laid in bed trying to find sleep when there was none to find, I thought about my family. I remembered all the times I was a brat or in a mood because somebody else put me in one. I thought about how I always took it out on them, doing it for no other reason but to make them just as miserable as I felt.

Maybe karma really does exist, and this is just my punishment: being trapped just as I made them feel all those times before which now feel as if they happened years ago.

Now that I really think about, delving deeper into the nearly forgotten parts of my mind, I see that really was a pain sometimes. I caused so many arguments in my family, looking to cause trouble just because I was bored. Thinking of what I used to do- used to be- is haunting me to the point that where I can't think of a good time we had.

I used to think I was the glue that held my family together, but now I see that I was the reason it was always falling apart just to be built back up by my brothers again. They were the peacemakers. They were the ones who talked sense into me even during my darkest hours, and now that I am gone, the world around me is pitch black, and no matter what I do, I will always make a bad, possibly harmful decision.

It's no wonder that this happened to me. It turns out that I, after hours of self loathing, am a horrible person who deserves everything that is happening to me. Maybe Chris and I are perfect for each other after all.

When I finally did fall asleep by some miracle, the nightmares were back but twice as bad. The meadow was beautiful, but more people other than Chris and I were there. It was his family, all excited to watch a girl be forced into marriage just like Ashley. But the part of my dream that made this a nightmare was rather than being scared, I was content, happy even, to watch this event unfold.

I was standing in the pews with Chris' family vying to catch a brief glimpse of the happy bride. Chris was standing at the end of the aisle that was outlined with soft, blue flower petals. Everyone was looking at a girl, a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes that seemed to shine.