Secret Life Of A Second Wife

The debate continues.

Bringing up the subject of polygamy in a social situation is always hard. There's a universal silence before the debating begins... and even then, not everyone is sure how to react or which side to choose.

That's where the common misconception lies. We are brainwashed into thinking that we have to pick a side... we are convinced that the concept is unthinkable long before we have listened to any sort of reasoning.

(very similar to saying that we don't eat a certain kind of food when we have yet to try it. And then when we do, it takes time, but we begin to acquire a taste for it).

Personally, I feel that most people think twice to bring up this topic only because they are afraid that if they fully understood what it meant then maybe it won't seem so taboo afterall?

I don't know, it's hard to say.

Until recently I have always been against the idea of polygamy. Now hold on, before you begin to gasp in shock, hear me out...

It was never the idea that I fell inlove with, it was Ridwaan. I guess in any other situation I would have thought differently. But when you love someone (so much) you learn to accept their ideals and beliefs. You begin to see and appreciate the world through their eyes. And sometimes it's scary... but sometimes it's beautiful.

Initially the idea appeared daunting... but a life without him seemed much more difficult to bear than one that would require sharing him.

We are never too old to understand or too set in our ways to change. Sometimes in order to create the life we want, we must be willing to alter our expectations and set higher limits for ourselves.

Why is it okay to have a hushed affair (that everybody knows about anyway) but deemed unacceptable to be in a relationship that is clearly permissible in Islam?

It will take some getting used to at the start (just like tasting a new food for the first time) but eventually I believe that everyone around us will begin to see this 'way of life' as more than just a scandal or heated topic of discussion... I hope that it becomes normal to hear the term 'co-wife' and that (just like an ordinary cup of tea) our relationship will become 'regular' to see and hear of.

Whether we as a society approve of it or not, it's happening all around us... and by making polygamy an issue we are encouraging these relationships to be practiced secretly instead of opening our hearts and minds and accepting and supporting our brothers that wish to carry out this Sunnah in the correct manner and our sisters who are willing to be 'co-wives' and companions to them.

Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said "If Allah SWT uses you to guide one person, it is better than the whole earth and what it contains".